Pain is a message from the nervous system telling us that something is wrong and needs to be addressed. Many people take pain as a cue to stop what they’re doing. But for athletes, it can be the driving force that gets them across the finish line first, the ball in the back of the net, or a KO in the last round.

Tunde Oyeneyin, the 37-year-old Peloton cycling instructor, Nike athlete, keynote speaker, and New York Times bestseller, has experienced her share of pain – both physically and emotionally.

“I lost my little brother when he was 19 years old. Three years after that I lost my dad and three years after that I lost my mom,” she tells Big Think. “I lost half of my immediate family members before my 30th birthday. I’ve always said that everything happens for a reason. When this happened, I questioned that.”

Second wind

After so much grief in the short space of six years, Oyeneyin hit rock bottom. But it wasn’t long before she found meaning in her pain, which gave her the energy to climb out from the pit she fell into. “I could’ve stayed there,” she says about the dire state of her mental health during this difficult time. “The people around me would’ve excused me for it because they knew my story, struggle and the pain that I was in.

“But I entered this space of realizing that I still get to be here, that I still get to attempt at life, attempt at chasing my dreams, attempt to accomplish all of the goals that I’ve put in front of me. In losing them, I stepped into the greatest version of myself. And for me, my power and purpose is to lead. I was able to realize and move into that through the pain.”

She’s accomplished a lot since this personal tragedy. After attending her first cycling class in 2016 she became hooked, having what she calls a “divine download”. In a moment of epiphany, she knew that she wanted to teach fitness for the rest of her life.

In 2019, Oyeneyin signed on as a cycling instructor for Peloton, the largest interactive fitness platform in the world with over 6 million subscribers. A short while later she joined Nike as an ambassador, a position she uses as a platform to spread the message that fitness is for all, believing that everyone with a body is an athlete.

Oh, and she’s also a trained makeup artist, a passion she still pursues through sharing professional beauty tips with her 600,000-strong Instagram following.

Confidence building

Even with so much motivation, energy and a bestselling book entitled SPEAK: How to Find Your Voice, Trust Your Gut, and Get From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be, Oyeneyin continues to struggle with self-confidence.

“I think people assume that I just love myself and I wake up every single day confident in my skin,” she says. “I don’t think that confidence means that you are the best at any one thing. I think it simply means that you’ve found a way to navigate through the feeling of unworthiness.

“I hope that people see my struggle. I think that my purpose and my reason for being here is so that people can see themselves in me. I think it’s really difficult for people to see themselves in you if the version that you portray is clean and perfect.”

Oyeneyin has always been open about her difficulties. Whether it’s her body issues growing up (she was overweight as an adolescent) or looking after her mental health (she often takes time away from social media to avoid feeling overwhelmed), she has been on a rocky journey to get to the successful place she is today, but she wants to share her personal stories with others so they know they’re not alone in their struggles.

But what’s her secret? What’s made her persevere in life when she should’ve been out for the count on several occasions?

“I try to take meaning from hard times,” she reveals. “If I can give meaning to a horrible event and it navigates me into a brighter space, even if there wasn’t true meaning to it…giving it a name makes me feel better. If that helps, then giving it meaning can’t be wrong.”

We interviewed Tunde Oyeneyin for Question Your Perception Box, a Big Think interview series created in partnership with Unlikely Collaborators. As a creative non-profit organization, they’re on a mission to help people challenge their perceptions and expand their thinking. Often that growth can start with just a single unlikely question that makes you rethink your convictions and adjust your vantage point. Watch Tunde Oyeneyin’s full interview above, and visit Perception Box to see more in this series. 

TUNDE OYENEYIN: I remember feeling guilt for feeling joy. I think it was after I lost my dad. It took me acknowledging that none of my many emotions were going to bring him back. And as hard as that may sound, there was freedom in that.

Hi, I'm Tunde Oyeneyin, Peloton instructor, keynote speaker, Nike athlete, and New York Times bestselling author. Whoop! It's the sound effects for me. Whoa, that's a good one. I lost my little brother when he was 19 years old. And then three years after that, I lost my dad. And then three years after that, I lost my mom. So I lost half of my immediate family members before my 30th birthday. I'd hit rock bottom, and then I'd hit rock bottom again, and then I was cemented in rock bottom, like they took concrete and poured it over my rock bottom. And I think I could've stayed there. Like, the people around me would have excused me for it because they knew my story and the struggle and the pain that I was in.

It wasn't until I entered this space of realizing that I still get to be here, that I still get to attempt at life, attempt at chasing my dreams, attempt to accomplish all of the goals that I've put in front of me. I still get to attempt. In losing them, I stepped into the greatest version of myself. And for me, my power, my purpose, it's to lead. It's why I'm here, for as long as I get to be here. And I was able to realize that, tap into that, move into that, through pain.

I swear, I lift weights for a living. There we go! I think people assume that I just love myself, and I wake up every single day confident in my skin and in my body and in what I'm doing and what I'm saying. I think people assume that I'm not as human as everybody else. I hope that people see my struggle. I think that my purpose and my reason for being here and existing in this space, in this moment in time, is so that people can see themselves in me. I think it's really difficult for people to see themselves in you if the version that you portray of yourself is crystal clean and perfect.

I hope that I put my real self out there. Not all of myself, because some of that is just for me. But I hope that within the pieces of my story that people see, I hope that they also see my struggle. Next up, let’s see if I do better this time. Oh! So, I teach cycling classes to tens of thousands and millions of people every single week. Rewind to seven years ago, I was a makeup artist at the time, I lived in LA. I took my very first cycling class, which changed the trajectory of my entire life.

I had what I call this "divine download" of information. And I realized in those five seconds that I'm gonna cycle for the rest of my life. I'm going to also teach. And without even knowing what Peloton was at the time, I knew that I would be able to impact the lives of millions of people by virtue of a bike. And while I, in this moment, had this crystal clear knowing of what was coming next, once that faded, the overweight Tunde that had been teased and made fun of and picked on as a child, she came forward and she said, "No one will feel encouraged by you. The sound of your voice is annoying. You don't look like one of them." And I believed her.

I told myself that I couldn't be good enough. And because of two friends that really believed in me, I decided to try, I decided to attempt. That was the last time that I fully doubted myself. I doubt myself at least once a day, but like the ultimate one, like the heavy, the heavy one that can sit over us, I struck her down a long time ago.

I think that when we come here, to Earth, I think that we know who we wanna be. For example, when I was in kindergarten, I remember idolizing my kindergarten teacher in school, and knowing that that's what I wanted to do, I wanted to lead. And very quickly my dad shut down that idea. He said, "You don't wanna be a teacher. You'll be overworked and underpaid." Shout out to the teachers!

I think what's funny now is I was a makeup artist for 15 years, and within the cosmetic world, I was an educator. I've led cycling classes for just about six years now. A coach, a teacher, a trainer. And I published my first book last year. Again, teacher sharing stories. I say all of that to say, at the essence, the core of who I am, I think that all of those, I think all the versions of me would still show

up. I've still found a way to tap into the Tunde, the version of Tunde, the many versions of Tunde, that I was put here with the intention to be. And so, who would I be without my many identities? Well, I wouldn't be Tunde.

Let's see if I can catch it like this, like real chill. Nike athlete, what? Didn't say I was coordinated.