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Relationship hack: Why class clowns make better partners
Want a happy, satisfying relationship? Psychologists say the best way is to learn to take a joke.
- New research looks at how partners' attitudes toward humor affects the overall quality of a relationship.
- Out of the three basic types of people, people who love to be laughed at made for better partners.
- Fine-tuning your sense of humor might be the secret to a healthy, happy, and committed relationship.
It should come as no surprise that we tend to look for a sense of humor in our romantic partners. The trouble is, we all find different things funny—or not funny. New research in the Journal of Research in Personality quantifies exactly how our particular blend of humor affects our relationships. The bottom line? You'll do better if you can take a joke.
The study looked at three different approaches to humor: gelotophobia (entirely unrelated to a deep-seated fear of gelato; instead, this is the fear of being laughed at), gelotophilia (the joy of being laughed at), and katagelasticism (the joy of laughing at others). People can have mixtures of these qualities in varying degrees, but some people mostly enjoy being laughed at, mostly enjoy laughing at others, or mostly hate being laughed at.
Three attitudes toward laughter
Gelotophobes are, as you might expect, kind of a bummer. Prior research has shown about 10% of people experience a fear of laughter bordering on paranoia. When they hear people laughing in public, their first thought is "Are they laughing at me?" They have trouble distinguishing between laughter that has positive connotations ("Your shirt is hilarious!") and laughter with negative connotations ("Your shirt is ridiculous!"). Uncertain of the laugher's intentions, they assume malicious intent.
Katagelastic people are, in short, jerks. They enjoy calling people out and mocking others. A gelotophobe's hell is full of katagelastic people. Of course, there's some variation in the flavor of katagelastic people—some are harmless pranksters, while others are truly mean-spirited. They're of the opinion that laughing at others is a natural part of life, and, if the butt of their jokes doesn't like it, they should fight back. As a result, katagelastic people usually can both dish it out and take it.
The real gems are gelotophiliacs—those people who get a kick out of being laughed at. This quality might sound like masochism, but its really borne out of a sense of humility and humor. Unlike gelotophobes, gelotophiliacs find laughter as a positive thing, and they seek it out. These are your class clowns and stand-up comedians. Self-deprecation is a gelotophiliac's bread and butter.
How does this work in a relationship?
The researchers found that gelotophiliacs were more likely to expect their relationships to last a long time.
To figure out which sense of humor performed best in a relationship, the researchers first gave 154 heterosexual couples a questionnaire designed to identify people as mostly gelotophobic, gelotophilic, or katagelastic. Then, they administered two other questionnaires designed to measure the quality of couples' relationships. These evaluated relationship dimensions like sexuality, fascination, communication, overall happiness, and similar variables.
First, the researchers found that birds of a feather do indeed flock together. Most couples had similar scores in each humor category.
Broadly, the results broke down much in the way one would think. Gelotophobes—who tend to perceive themselves as unattractive and generally underestimate themselves—were less sexually satisfied, did not trust their partners very much, and felt constrained by their relationship. Overall, they were fairly unhappy. Living life thinking that everybody is secretly mocking you tends to do that.
Interestingly, katagelasticism was unrelated to relationship satisfaction. It seems like couples that enjoy making fun of one another are just as likely to be blissfully content or miserable. However, katagelastic couples did have more arguments, which is kind of a natural consequence of constantly making jokes at your partner's expense. In addition, when the man in the relationship was katagelastic, both he and his female partner were less sexually satisfied.
Gelotophilic couples were made in the shade. They reported significantly higher relationship satisfaction and happiness. But this result becomes a little more nuanced when we start looking at the two sexes.
Overall, only women were more satisfied in their relationship when they were gelotophilic. They reported being more attracted to their partners and sexually satisfied. What's more, the man in the relationship was also more sexually satisfied and felt a stronger sense of togetherness when their female partner was gelotophilic. There was little effect on relationship quality when the man enjoyed being laughed at.
How can you develop healthy humor habits?
For gelotophobes, being in a happy relationship might be less of a priority than getting away from the feeling that everybody is ridiculing them. While everybody dislikes being laughed at to some degree, some people have such an aversion to the experience that it can be considered a real handicap, like any other phobia. Unfortunately, this type of phobia has only recently been recognized, and effective treatments are still being developed. Just as with other phobias, however, it is believed that gelotophobia can be treated and ameliorated.
As for developing a better sense of humor, research has shown that, while there are some genetic components to humor that make somebody more inclined to appreciate a good joke, your genes aren't the end-all-be-all. Humor is just as much a product of nature as it is nurture, so there's hope out there for those of you who hear crickets more than laughs. As for how you go about developing that sense of humor? Well, if we knew that, we'd all be comedians.
What would it be like to experience the 4th dimension?
Physicists have understood at least theoretically, that there may be higher dimensions, besides our normal three. The first clue came in 1905 when Einstein developed his theory of special relativity. Of course, by dimensions we’re talking about length, width, and height. Generally speaking, when we talk about a fourth dimension, it’s considered space-time. But here, physicists mean a spatial dimension beyond the normal three, not a parallel universe, as such dimensions are mistaken for in popular sci-fi shows.
If machines develop consciousness, or if we manage to give it to them, the human-robot dynamic will forever be different.
- Does AI—and, more specifically, conscious AI—deserve moral rights? In this thought exploration, evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins, ethics and tech professor Joanna Bryson, philosopher and cognitive scientist Susan Schneider, physicist Max Tegmark, philosopher Peter Singer, and bioethicist Glenn Cohen all weigh in on the question of AI rights.
- Given the grave tragedy of slavery throughout human history, philosophers and technologists must answer this question ahead of technological development to avoid humanity creating a slave class of conscious beings.
- One potential safeguard against that? Regulation. Once we define the context in which AI requires rights, the simplest solution may be to not build that thing.
Duke University researchers might have solved a half-century old problem.
- Duke University researchers created a hydrogel that appears to be as strong and flexible as human cartilage.
- The blend of three polymers provides enough flexibility and durability to mimic the knee.
- The next step is to test this hydrogel in sheep; human use can take at least three years.
Duke researchers have developed the first gel-based synthetic cartilage with the strength of the real thing. A quarter-sized disc of the material can withstand the weight of a 100-pound kettlebell without tearing or losing its shape.
Photo: Feichen Yang.<p>That's the word from a team in the Department of Chemistry and Department of Mechanical Engineering and Materials Science at Duke University. Their <a href="https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1002/adfm.202003451" target="_blank">new paper</a>, published in the journal,<em> Advanced Functional Materials</em>, details this exciting evolution of this frustrating joint.<br></p><p>Researchers have sought materials strong and versatile enough to repair a knee since at least the seventies. This new hydrogel, comprised of three polymers, might be it. When two of the polymers are stretched, a third keeps the entire structure intact. When pulled 100,000 times, the cartilage held up as well as materials used in bone implants. The team also rubbed the hydrogel against natural cartilage a million times and found it to be as wear-resistant as the real thing. </p><p>The hydrogel has the appearance of Jell-O and is comprised of 60 percent water. Co-author, Feichen Yang, <a href="https://today.duke.edu/2020/06/lab-first-cartilage-mimicking-gel-strong-enough-knees" target="_blank">says</a> this network of polymers is particularly durable: "Only this combination of all three components is both flexible and stiff and therefore strong." </p><p> As with any new material, a lot of testing must be conducted. They don't foresee this hydrogel being implanted into human bodies for at least three years. The next step is to test it out in sheep. </p><p>Still, this is an exciting step forward in the rehabilitation of one of our trickiest joints. Given the potential reward, the wait is worth it. </p><p><span></span>--</p><p><em>Stay in touch with Derek on <a href="http://www.twitter.com/derekberes" target="_blank">Twitter</a>, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/DerekBeresdotcom" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="https://derekberes.substack.com/" target="_blank">Substack</a>. His next book is</em> "<em>Hero's Dose: The Case For Psychedelics in Ritual and Therapy."</em></p>
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