Being Accountable for Your Flaws is Key to a Successful Relationship

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We all want certain traits out of our ideal mate: Good looks, intelligence, humor, though, it’s important to be realistic about our expectations. There’s one trait that Mark Manson of Business Insider says he won’t compromise on:

“The ability to see one’s own flaws and be accountable for them.”

Flaws are inevitable in a relationship—there is no perfect man or woman. But because problems are inevitable in any relationship, be it emotional baggage or odd habits, the test of that relationship will be how you and your partner deal with your own flaws. Manson argues that when two people are in a committed relationship, you’re supposed to grow together, which means occasionally offering up some constructive criticism. The test of that relationship will be how you partner receives that criticism. Are they appreciative or aggressive?

Manson does mention it’s important to keep your expectations in check, everyone is a little defensive at first, and people are easily wounded by their flaws. But the true test is if your partner decides to open up the conversation after they’ve had time to digest your suggestions.

It’s important to also turn the spotlight on yourself and consider how you might react to critiques from your significant other. Manson encourages people to practice exchanging healthy criticisms to one another, after all, communication is key in any relationship. He assures that, eventually, it will become a natural part of a relationship.

If this kind of openness and honesty disrupts your relationship enough to cause a breakup, Manson says not to worry:

“Your emotional integrity naturally self-selects the emotional integrity of the women you meet and date. And when you fix yourself, as if by some magical cheat-code the women you meet and date become more and more functional themselves.”