Kaelynn Partlow wears many hats: author, autism advocate, content creator, and registered behavior technician (and that’s just to name a few). At only 27, her journey of self-discovery and personal growth offers a candid glimpse into the challenges and triumphs of living with autism and multiple learning disabilities. With nearly half a million followers on Instagram, Partlow has become a prominent voice in the autism community, sharing her life and insights with a growing, engaged audience.
“I spend more time dissecting the human experience than having one myself,” Partlow says, encapsulating the unique perspective that has made her such a compelling figure in autism awareness.
Childhood struggles and social disconnection
From an early age, Partlow struggled with intense feelings of inadequacy. “When I was little, my perception of myself was that I was stupid,” she says. Failing the third grade dealt a significant blow to her self-esteem. However, a turning point came with her diagnosis: autism, ADHD, dyslexia, dyscalculia, and dyspraxia.
“When I got assessed, it was pretty disappointing,” the North Carolinian shares. “Instead of stupid, I was dyslexic, which helped a little, because I had a word for it that wasn’t ‘dumb’.”
Growing up, Partlow’s intense interests often set her apart from her peers. She vividly remembers a phase where she identified as a dog, calling herself a “K-9” due to her name starting with K and her age being nine. This sense of disconnection has persisted into adulthood, with Partlow sincerely sharing her struggles with interpersonal relationships.
“If I’m in a social situation, I have to think about looking at people’s faces, intentionally listening to their words, and filtering out my own brain noise,” she says. “I have to think about my own facial expression and body language and posture to make sure that I don’t send the wrong message.”
Battling loneliness and discovering strengths
Loneliness is a recurring theme in Partlow’s life, particularly during nights, weekends, and holidays when professional obligations subside. “You start to kind of look around and realize, well, wait a minute, everything has stopped. Where did everybody go?” she says.
To cope with these feelings, Partlow often hides herself away to channel her emotions into writing. “When I’m in a bad mood, I’m a really good writer,” she notes. “I go inside my closet and close the door, and it’s incredibly dark and it’s very quiet, and there’s just nothingness in there, except for all of my feelings, which kind of fills up the closet and maybe then some.”
Despite these challenges, Partlow has discovered unexpected strengths. Her involvement with Project Hope, a nonprofit organization that offers a comprehensive lifespan of autism services, marked a turning point. “I saw areas in my life in which I was successful and without a whole lot of help,” she explains. “It’s empowered me to take advantage of other opportunities I’ve been offered as a result of that.”
The adventure continues
Partlow’s journey so far highlights the complex interplay between personal challenges and hidden strengths. While she continues to grapple with social difficulties and fears of stagnation, she’s also learned to recognize and cultivate her talents.
“I’m pretty satisfied with how I am, but you’re meant to grow,” she says. “So I guess I’d be afraid to stay like this forever.”
As Partlow continues to navigate her path, she remains committed to altering people’s perceptions of autism. “I think it’s easier to change social attitudes than it is to change policy,” she explains. “Changing attitudes has to come before policy change.”
Partlow’s story so far has been littered with struggles, but through her reflections and autism advocacy she continues to bridge the gap of understanding between neurotypical and neurodivergent individuals, offering valuable insights into the autism experience and challenging preconceptions along the way.
Here’s to her next chapter.
We interviewed Kaelynn Partlow for Question Your Perception Box, a Big Think interview series created in partnership with Unlikely Collaborators. As a creative non-profit organization, they’re on a mission to help people challenge their perceptions and expand their thinking. Often that growth can start with just a single unlikely question that makes you rethink your convictions and adjust your vantage point. Watch Partlow’s full interview above, and visit Perception Box to see more in this series.
Kaelynn Partlow: When have you experienced a profound sense of disconnection from others, and what did you learn from it?
I don't know, since I gained consciousness, I think. It feels like I spend more time dissecting the human experience than having one myself.
My name is Kaelynn Partlow. I'm an author, an autism advocate, a content creator, and a Registered Behavior Technician. We came prepared. We have three fidget toys. How could you possibly screw up if you have three fidget toys? You could not. All the anxious thoughts from the brain travel down the arm and into the hand and into the object, and they no longer live in the brain. I think I like balloon dog the most.
What do you imagine other people assume about you?
Hmm, I think people, in person, think that my life is easy and it is free from pain or significant issues, and I don't think they realize that I'm intelligent to the degree that I am.
Is there a voice in your head that tells you how bad you are? That says, "You're selfish, you're spoiled, you're stupid." Whose voice is that, and when was the first time you heard that?
I think when I was little, my perception of myself was that I was stupid. It meant I was stupid. And even if I didn't have a name for it, I felt stupid because I was failing the 3rd grade. And how do you fail the 3rd grade and have a good self-esteem, you know? You kind of can't do those two things at the same time. And so when I got assessed, it was pretty disappointing, I think, on everybody's behalf, that we got autism, we got ADHD, we got dyslexia, we got dyscalculia, we got dysgraphia, dyspraxia. You know, getting diagnosed, it kind of put a word to it, so instead of stupid, I was dyslexic, which helped a little, not a lot but a little, just to have a word for it that wasn't dumb or wrong.
If someone doesn't understand you, what are you making it mean about you?
In an ideal world, if somebody didn't understand you, they would just say, "I don't understand that." But traditionally, that's not how most people communicate. They, I don't know, give me a normal person example. What do the normies do? Yeah, sometimes they just stop communicating. They don't tell you, "Oh, I didn't understand that." They just are done with you.
When I was little, I was really obsessed with dogs. And it wasn't enough to just play with my dog. And so for a very long time, I said that I was a dog. You know, my name is Kaelynn and it starts with a K, and I was nine years old, and so, therefore, I was a K-9. I think sometimes if I got lucky, you know, little kids at the age of nine would bark back and they would play dogs with me, but eventually, they would get bored or they'd be like, "No, that's weird. We don't wanna do that." And that just didn't make sense to me.
What action do you want to take but don't feel ready yet?
My first thought was, "I need a new car and I don't want a car payment." But then, like, in consideration for what this activity is, probably, the answer we're looking for is that I've not prioritized interpersonal relationships. If I'm in a social situation, I have to think about looking at peoples' faces, intentionally listening to their words and filtering out my own brain noise. I have to think about my own facial expression and body language and posture to make sure that I don't send the wrong message. And so when you're faced with attempts that don't work or attempts that don't feel worthwhile, then it's really difficult to motivate yourself to continue when you know that you're not likely to encounter success.
What are you most afraid will never change about yourself or your life, and why?
I guess, what if my interpersonal issues never get better? Feeling big emotions and feeling them very strongly, and, by my own metric, being just a little bit neurotic to live with, being lonely, like, I'm pretty satisfied with how I am, but, like, you're meant to grow and change. And so I guess I'd be afraid that I'd stay like this forever. My relationship with loneliness is--it's worse nights, weekends, and holidays. The loneliness kind of creeps back in because I'm no longer needed in a professional capacity. And, you know, I've got people who, more or less, need me in a personal capacity, but when those people don't need me or are busy, that's when the loneliness kind of starts to set in and you start to kind of look around and realize, "Well, wait a minute, everything has stopped. Where did everybody go?" Everybody else is out living their life. Everybody else is out doing things with other people. And I'm sitting here thinking about what things I might do at work next time.
Sometimes I write when I feel that way and I'm a pretty good writer. And when I'm in a bad mood, I'm a really good writer, unfortunately. When I am sad or upset, I go inside my closet and close the door and it's incredibly dark and it's very quiet and there's just nothingness in there except for all of my feelings, which kind of fills up the closet and maybe then some. And I kind of channel that, I guess, through my fingers and into the words that I write until there's nothing else left and sometimes I fall asleep.
What personal strength are you most reluctant to acknowledge, and how has it impacted your life?
When you get diagnosed with multiple disabilities, you don't get the luxury of ignoring your personal weaknesses, and also you really cling to your personal strengths. And so when you spend a large portion of your childhood unsuccessful in academic environments, you come to the conclusion that, "I can't do this." And I have evidence to support why I can't do this. Because every time I've tried, it's failed. And I could pull out all the paperwork that says that I have. But when I started with Project Hope, they gave me tasks and activities that I could be successful with. I saw areas in my life in which I was successful and without a whole lot of help. And it's really kind of empowered me to take advantage of other opportunities I've been offered as a result of that.
When did you truly feel celebrated?
Probably when I was on Netflix and then we had the viewing party when it came out. Hi, my name is Kaelynn. I'm 24 years old, and I'm single, and I'm looking for a boyfriend. To have such a large attendance at my viewing party, it was coworkers, it was casual friends, it was acquaintances. It was just a bunch of people who I knew. Everybody showed up, and I thought that that was particularly special.
You know, the whole thing where they say, "Do it scared"? I realized just how capable I was of doing it scared. So I, very quickly, in my own mind, became someone who thrives under pressure.
What do we think about the fingerprint as the new symbol for autism?
And the idea that I could be a public speaker was not a thing that I thought I could achieve. It was maybe a thing that I was interested in doing, but I didn't think it was possible. But with the newfound knowledge of me thriving under pressure, I could pursue things that were difficult. Not only could I tolerate them, but I could pursue them and I could be successful with them.
Please bring light, bring hope to those who need it.
