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Kay Warren is an evangelical leader, author, AIDS activist, and co-founder of Saddleback Church in Southern California. Along with her husband, Rick, Warren founded Saddleback in 1980 with just a[…]

Recognizing that you married a sinner.

Question: What is love?

Warren: How would I describe love?  Seeking the other’s best interest.  It . . . it truly is about how can I meet . . .  how can I meet your needs?  How can I make life better?  How can I create a home and a relationship where you feel nurtured?  Where you feel valued?  Where you feel appreciated?  Where each is more willing to give than take?  I think it’s a mistake when people talk about 50/50 – you know the relationship should be 50/50 – because that’s really a recipe for disaster.  Because you’re always wondering, “Have you given as much as I’ve given?”  And that’s . . .  You start keeping score.  You start noticing where the other person has failed you, where they’ve disappointed you.  And the fact is Rick disappoints me.  I disappoint him.  I have failed him.  He has failed me.  It’s inevitable.  We are broken people.  All of us are.  And starting with that recognition, somebody said, “You marry a sinner.”  So when you let go of those expectations of the other person having to be perfect; always understand what you want; always think of you; but instead being willing to look at it from the aspect of, “How can I . . . how can I serve you?  When both people are working off of that premise, I think a marriage has all the chances in the world of lasting until that “death do you part”.

Recorded on: 12/11/07