Has your marriage gone stale? Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, the author of Kosher Lust: Love is Not the Answer, has the remedy for you.
“All marriage can provide right now for most people is stability. But it cannot provide electricity,” he says. Married couples have to learn to embrace eros. Women are often seen as tolerating sex in a straight marriage in order to please their husbands. But Rabbi Boteach says that this is a stereotype that hurts couples. They shouldn't shy away from exploring their desires.
“Women have a much more deeply erotic nature,” he says. “Women seem to have their emotions deeply connected with their sexuality which makes it like rocket fueled. And the suppression, the denial of a woman’s erotic nature, of a woman’s sensual nature is something that is depressing the heck out of a lot of women which is why we’re suddenly discovering the emergence of the genre of bestselling books like 50 Shades of Grey.”
Marriage rates are at an all time low, according to a recent study. Rabbi Boteach says that disinterest in tying the knot is far greater in Western Europe and Russia. He sees the institution of marriage as crumbling, and the decline of good sex is to blame.
“Today you have a majority of people who are single which is astonishing when you think about it, because it means that in a free country people are choosing to be by themselves," he says. "They don’t find marriage compelling."
For more on Rabbi Boteach’s thoughts on marriage and what married couples should consider if they want to get the spark back, watch this clip from Big Think’s interview:
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Some back story
A Dunbar Correlation
Professor Dunbar's response:
Friendship, kinship and limitations
Gray matter matters
There is an eclectic list of reasons why compassion may collapse, irrespective of sheer numbers:
In the end
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