Field of Neuroscience Uncovered as Giant Hoax

What’s the Latest Development?

The nation’s leading neuroscientists, including top researchers at Harvard and Stanford, called a surprise press conference this morning, April 1st, to come clean on how they have deceived the public for years. “We’re always qualifying our conclusions by reminding people that the brain is extremely complex and difficult to understand—and it is,” says Philip Tenyer of Harvard University, “but we’ve also been a little lazy. It is just easier to bluff our way through some of it.” Tenyer went on to say that putting lots of jargon into his academic papers was often enough to receive praise from his colleagues. 

What’s the Big Idea?

In hindsight, how else could a highly-complex academic field rise to such public popularity than through deception? After learning that people’s brains were excited by looking at colorful pictures, releasing chemicals such as serotonin, which are associated with love and cocaine use, Stanford researcher Stephanie Sigma has admitted to fabricating the fMRI images published in so many newspapers and magazines. Because of the field’s popularity, many scientists have developed contempt for the public at large. When in public, David Barbiturate of Duke University offers truncated explanations “just to shut people up.”

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