- Fear of abandonment or other attachment issues can stem from childhood loss (the death of a parent) but can also stem from mistreatment or emotional neglect as a child.
- Longitudinal studies have proven that a child's inability to maintain healthy relationships may be significantly impaired by having an insecure attachment to a primary caregiver during their early development.
- While these are common relationship problems that may be rooted in childhood experiences, as adults, we can break the cycle.
Fear of abandonment
Fear of abandonment can stem from childhood loss or childhood maltreatment.
Photo by Koldunova Anna on Shutterstock
"Powerful experiences can alter the functioning of an adult brain, but with children, traumatic events may change the entire framework of their brain." - Dr. Bruce Perry, Senior Fellow of the Child Trauma Academy.
Fear of abandonment can stem from childhood loss - the death of a parent or loved one - but it can also stem from maltreatment during childhood. Maltreatment or neglect as a child can be difficult to pinpoint, especially if that mistreatment isn't physical but more of an emotional nature.
Brain development, according to this Child Welfare Information Gateway study, is actually the process of creating, strengthening and discarding connections among the neurons we're born with.
These connections are called synapses and they organize the brain by forming neural pathways that connect various parts of the brain governing everything we do.
The growth of each region of the brain depends largely on receiving stimulation for that area - think of it as a muscle that needs to be exercised in order to grow strong and be useful. Leaving that muscle unattended, not giving it movement and strength, will eventually lead it to atrophy, making it a deterrent for your entire body to function properly.
This is how maltreatment works. To remedy this issue in your relationship, work on exercising that "attachment muscle", allowing yourself to become more vulnerable and open with your partner.
Inability to commit to your partner
An inability to commit to the relationship can be really difficult to overcome.
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This 2016 study by Winston and Chicot offers proof to the theory that parental inconsistency and lack of love can lead to long-term mental health problems as well as to reduced overall potential and happiness later in life.
The human brain is made of over 100 billion brain cells that each connect to over 7000 other brain cells - it's an extremely complex system. And yet - by the age of 3, a child's brain has reached more than 90% of its adult size.
The experiences that a baby has within the first three years of life lay the ground for how their brain is wired well into adulthood. While it's possible for us to "re-learn" things as adults and change the framework of our brains this way - there is much importance laid on the connection and relationship that an infant has with their caregiver.
Longitudinal studies have proven that a child's inability to form and maintain healthy relationships throughout life may be significantly impaired by having an insecure attachment to a primary caregiver during their early development years.
To address this common relationship problem, consider how you view attachment, dedication and loyalty in relationships - there is a good chance you are already very committed to your partner but simply fear the "label" of being so invested in a relationship.
Entitlement
Entitlement can be an unrealistic, unmerited and inappropriate sense of how you should be treated and what you deserve.
Image by Artur Szczybylo on Shutterstock
Entitlement, defined as an unrealistic, unmerited or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and treatment by others, can also stem back to the experiences we have during childhood. To remedy this issue in a relationship can be quite difficult, as entitlement is an inherently selfish quality.
According to Better Help, there are two main reasons why people act entitled in relationships - they are either overcompensating for never getting what they want or are so used to getting what they want that they can't even entertain the possibility of not getting what they want.
Overcompensating for past wrongs - an example being a child who grows up lacking the toys, games, and clothes owned by their peers may grow up to believe they are entitled to what they missed out on.
A habit of getting what they want all the time - an example being a child who was given whatever they asked for without reason which can lead them to believe they should always get what they ask for even if it's not realistic.
“Defectiveness” or feelings of worthlessness
Childhood emotional neglect is a deep and long-lasting would that isn't always easily detectable. In fact, many times, these feelings of worthlessness and defectiveness that children feel aren't imposed by parents who mean harm to their child.
According to Good Therapy, there are four different kinds of parenting styles that can lead to your child feeling worthless or defective.
Authoritarian parents: they want their children to follow the rules but have very little time or inclination to listen to their child's feelings or needs.
Permissive parents: they have a very laid back attitude about child-rearing, but they may be too laid back - which may let children do what they wish and "fend for themselves." This can lead to children feeling as though they "aren't worthy of their parent's time" and in the future, they may feel unworthy of their romantic partner's time as well.
Narcissistic parents: they feel as though the world (and their children) revolve around them, placing their own needs and desires above those of their children. Adults who were raised by narcissistic parents may always allow their partner's needs and wants to overshadow their own, feeling as though they are not worthy of having their own needs met.
Perfectionist parents: they always believe their children need to do better, which can lead to their child believing they are inadequate even after accomplishing something good. Adults who were raised by perfectionist parents may also believe they are never "enough" for their partners, placing themselves at a lower level, causing an imbalance in their relationship.Addressing issues of self-worth often involve therapy, self-help programs and a lot of time to heal and retrain your brain in how you view yourself.
"Our brains are sculpted by our early experiences. Maltreatment is a chisel that shapes a brain to contend with strife but at the cost of deep, enduring wounds." - Teicher, 2000.
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A female Pacific blackdragon
A team of marine biologists has discovered 16 species of "ultra-black" fish that absorb more than 99 percent of the light that hits their skin, making them virtually invisible to other deep-sea fish.
The researchers, who published their findings Thursday in Current Biology, caught the species after dropping nets more than 200 meters deep near California's Monterey Bay. At those depths, sunlight fizzles out. That's one reason why many deep-sea species have evolved the ability to illuminate the dark waters through bioluminescence.
But what if deep-sea fish don't want to be spotted? To counter bioluminescence, some species have evolved ultra-black skin that's exceptionally good at absorbing light. Only a few other species are known to possess this strange trait, including birds of paradise and some spiders and butterflies.
The Pacific blackdragon
Credit: Karen Osborn/Smithsonian
When researchers first saw the deep-sea species, it wasn't immediately obvious that their skin was ultra-black. Then, marine biologist Karen Osborn, a co-author on the new paper, noticed something strange about the photos she took of the fish.
"I had tried to take pictures of deep-sea fish before and got nothing but these really horrible pictures, where you can't see any detail," Osborn told Wired. "How is it that I can shine two strobe lights at them and all that light just disappears?"
After examining samples of fish skin under the microscope, the researchers discovered that the fish skin contains a layer of organelles called melanosomes, which contain melanin, the same pigment that gives color to human skin and hair. This layer of melanosomes absorbs most of the light that hits them.
A crested bigscale
Credit: Karen Osborn/Smithsonian
"But what isn't absorbed side-scatters into the layer, and it's absorbed by the neighboring pigments that are all packed right up close to it," Osborn told Wired. "And so what they've done is create this super-efficient, very-little-material system where they can basically build a light trap with just the pigment particles and nothing else."
The result? Strange and terrifying deep-sea species, like the crested bigscale, fangtooth, and Pacific blackdragon, all of which appear in the deep sea as barely more than faint silhouettes.
Pacific viperfish
David Csepp, NMFS/AKFSC/ABL
But interestingly, this unique disappearing trick wasn't passed on to these species by a common ancestor. Rather, they each developed it independently. As such, the different species use their ultra-blackness for different purposes. For example, the threadfin dragonfish only has ultra-black skin during its adolescent years, when it's rather defenseless, as Wired notes.
Other fish—like the oneirodes species, which use bioluminescent lures to bait prey—probably evolved ultra-black skin to avoid reflecting the light their own bodies produce. Meanwhile, species like C. acclinidens only have ultra-black skin around their gut, possibly to hide light of bioluminescent fish they've eaten.
Given that these newly described species are just ones that this team found off the coast of California, there are likely many more, and possibly much darker, ultra-black fish swimming in the deep ocean.
Distrustful dog.
Is humanity's best friend catching on to our shenanigans? Researchers at the University of Vienna discovered that dogs can in certain cases know when people are lying.
The scientists carried out a study with hundreds of dogs to determine to what extent dogs could spot deception. The team's new paper, published in Proceedings of the Royal Society B, outlined experiments that tested whether dogs, like humans, have some inner sense of how to assess truthfulness.
As the researchers wrote in their paper, "Among non-primates, dogs (Canis familiaris) constitute a particularly interesting case, as their social environment has been shared with humans for at least 14,000 years. For this reason, dogs have been considered as a model species for the comparative investigation of socio-cognitive abilities." The investigation focused specifically on understanding if dogs were "sensitive to some mental or psychological states of humans."
The experiment
The experiments involved 260 dogs, which were made to listen to advice from a human "communicator" whom they did not know. The human told them which one of two bowls had a treat hidden inside by touching it and saying, "Look, this is very good!" If the dogs took the person's advice, they would get the treat.
Once they established the trust of the dogs, the researchers then complicated the experience by letting dogs watch another human that they did not know transfer the treat from one bowl to another. In some cases, the original communicator would also be present to watch but not always.
The findings revealed that half of the dogs did not follow the advice of the communicator if that person was not present when the food was switched to a different bowl. The dogs had a sense that this human could not have known the true location of the treat. Furthermore, two-thirds of the dogs ignored the human's suggestion if she did see the food switch but pointed to the wrong bowl. The dogs figured out the human was lying to them.
Photos of experiments showing the dog, human communicator, and person hiding the treat. Credit: Lucrezia Lonardo et al / Proceedings of the Royal Society B.
"We thought dogs would behave like children under age five and apes, but now we speculate that perhaps dogs can understand when someone is being deceitful," co-author Ludwig Huber from the University of Vienna told New Scientist. "Maybe they think, 'This person has the same knowledge as me, and is nevertheless giving me the wrong [information].' It's possible they could see that as intentionally misleading, which is lying."
This is not the first time such experiments have been carried out. Previously, children under age five, macaques, and chimps were tested in a similar way. It turned out that children and other animals were more likely than dogs to listen to the advice of the liars. Notably, among the dogs, terriers were found to be more like children and apes, more eagerly following false suggestions.
