Rachel Resnick on Rocky Relationships
Question: What kind of men attract love addicts?
Rachel Resnick: I think that being attracted to a certain kind of incredibly smart, charming, accomplished, but also dangerous and emotionally unavailable man was one of my [MOs]. I also had a huge weakness for full court press seduction, okay, because it was speedy, it was also fantastical, I think it fit in to the whole artist trip, you know, whether it was, let me whisk you off your feet, and the instant intensity, love at first sight, thinking that that was something that was true. So, there’s also a way that these kinds of relationships will address a depression, an underlying depression that I’ve certainly been diagnosed with many times. I’ve never taken any drugs for it and I thought I just have to work harder at it, blah, blah, but I was obviously medicating with myself with these kinds of relationships. Because when you get that instant hit where there’s fear because they unavailable emotionally or in whatever other way, you get that fear or pleasure, those are I believe the most powerful circuits in the brain, if you get them both activated and stimulated at the same time, someone who has a normal background would be a danger, danger, they’d run. For me, you know, someone like me, I feel alive finally and it’s like a jolt of electricity and think Frankenstein’s bride or something, really it’s like love as the perfect re-animator.
Question: Are women’s expectations too high for what they want in a partner?
Rachel Resnick: The main thing is that as a love addict, I was always looking outside myself for someone to complete me. What is that platonic story that originally we were two people fused into a ball that we kind of roll around, right. And just then there was this rupture, we split apart, we spend the rest of our time looking for our other half, okay? So, I think that in my case in was about not taking responsibility for fulfilling my own life. So, I think that’s at the root of the settling as well. If you’re not comfortable with yourself and satisfied with yourself and what you’re doing, there’s going to be something suspect in what you’re open to, and if you’re seeking already, I mean, in my case, I spend all my time seeking the one, the mythical one who would complete me and frankly who would address the weaknesses that I wasn’t addressing, whether it was creative, because that’s another, thing you know, addictive energy is creative energy, and addiction can also be seen as avoiding creative responsibility.
Recorded on: September 30, 2008.
Rachel Resnick on the problems of relationship hunting.
Swipe right to make the connections that could change your career.
Swipe right. Match. Meet over coffee or set up a call.
No, we aren't talking about Tinder. Introducing Shapr, a free app that helps people with synergistic professional goals and skill sets easily meet and collaborate.
A completely unexpected discovery beneath the ice.
- Scientists find remains of a tardigrade and crustaceans in a deep, frozen Antarctic lake.
- The creatures' origin is unknown, and further study is ongoing.
- Biology speaks up about Antarctica's history.
She met mere mortals with and without the Vatican's approval.
- For centuries, the Virgin Mary has appeared to the faithful, requesting devotion and promising comfort.
- These maps show the geography of Marian apparitions – the handful approved by the Vatican, and many others.
- Historically, Europe is where most apparitions have been reported, but the U.S. is pretty fertile ground too.
It's one factor that can help explain the religiosity gap.
- Sociologists have long observed a gap between the religiosity of men and women.
- A recent study used data from several national surveys to compare religiosity, risk-taking preferences and demographic information among more than 20,000 American adolescents.
- The results suggest that risk-taking preferences might partly explain the gender differences in religiosity.
SMARTER FASTER trademarks owned by The Big Think, Inc. All rights reserved.