How to grow from "no": Listen to rejection to become more persuasive
Rejection can be soul-crushing, but what if there was an upside? Here's how really listening to the word "no" can make you more successful.
Matt Dixon has been the Global Head of Salesforce Effectiveness at Korn/Ferry International since June 2017. He served as Group Leader of the financial services, customer contact and customer experience practices at CEB, and held various management positions, including leading its sales and service and new product development groups. Dixon holds a Ph.D. from the Graduate School of Public and International Affairs at the University of Pittsburgh, as well as a B.A. in International Studies from Mount Saint Mary’s University in Emmitsburg, Maryland.
Matt Dixon: When I think about the job of being a salesperson—and there’s so much great work out there, you know, Dan Pink’s book 'To Sell Is Human' is a great piece that really speaks to the fact that we’re all salespeople, whether we’re teachers or we’re actually salespeople for a living or we’re business leaders or community leaders, we're selling, we’re selling ideas, we're trying to motivate others to take action. We’re all salespeople as Dan would argue, and I think he’s right.
And one of the things we’ve seen from great salespeople is that they are able to take rejection and kind of roll with the punches. They don’t take it personally. And that is a unique attribute of salespeople, but it is something that can be learned.
And it’s hard, it’s hard to come into a sales job where you are going to experience a lot of rejection—a lot more rejection than acceptance. If you just look at it statistically a great salesperson is not going to convert at 100 percent, they’re going to convert well south of that, which means 70 to 90 percent of the time they’re hearing “no”.
They’re hearing, “No, I don’t want to spend time with you. No, I don’t want to buy what you’re selling. No, we like your competitors instead; we’re doing business with them.”
One of the things I always tell salespeople is that it’s important to not turn a deaf ear or ignore that “no,” because it’s important to understand why.
If we think about, “No, I don’t want to spend time with you,” or “No, I don’t buy what you’re saying,” that response says that the insight we’re trying to use to capture that customer's attention, or the story we’re trying to tell in the sales meeting, needs work.
Maybe the insight itself is not resonating, maybe we’re not doing a great job telling that story or customizing it to that customer. So it’s important that you actually hear "no" and that you learn from it. But it’s also important that you don’t take it personally, because oftentimes customers say no for lots of reasons.
They say “No, we don’t have a budget; No, we don’t see any value; No, we’re in execution mode, we’re not going to move forward.”
And it’s important that we don’t see that as a reflection on us personally, but it’s also important that we see it as a reflection of the fact that maybe the thing we’re teaching them, the insight we’re bringing to the table isn’t that compelling or provocative, it’s not worth their time. Maybe it’s a reflection of the fact that we haven’t really learned to tell that story in a compelling way and there’s things we can do, maybe with our manager, or things we can practice in a safe place back in the home office to get ready for the next sales conversation that we can really make that story resonate in a powerful way for that customer.
Maybe they’re saying no because what we’re trying to sell ultimately is not that unique or valuable or credible to the client and that’s insight we’ve got to take back to the organization.
It’s important, therefore, to kind of really differentiate what’s personal and distinguish that from what’s professional and what’s about the company. It’s great to hear no so we understand how to get better. It’s great to hear no so that we understand what feedback we could take back to our organization, whether that’s marketing—'hey, we need help really sharpening this insight'—or its product, 'gosh our competitors are kicking our butts out in the marketplace because their product does X,Y and Z and ours doesn’t, and we really need to add this functionality if we want to be competitive.'
The “no” I find is almost never personal for a salesperson—it’s typically a reflection of a lack of insight, a lack of compelling delivery of that insight or a lack of product or service capability. It’s not about you as a person, it’s typically about what you’re there to say or how you’re saying it, what you’re there to sell or how you’re selling it in the eyes of the customer.
But you’re going to hear no a lot as a salesperson and you’re not going to get very far in sales unless you get comfortable with that and really separate it out from, again, the personal versus the professional “no”, if you will, and learn from those nos to get better over time.
So when I think about this idea of 'What can we learn from salespeople?', the best salespeople we look at get told no 90 percent of the time, so how are they able to separate that from, again, the professional versus the personal?
“I’m not taking this personally but it doesn’t mean I’m not learning from it, it doesn’t mean I’m not sharpening my message, it doesn’t mean I’m not sharpening my technique and it doesn’t mean I’m not going to take those insights, those rejections, back to the home office and try to pattern recognize: what are we hearing from customers, why are they saying no that we as a company can learn from?”
Now, what does that mean for the rest of us? As we talked about before we're all in the job of selling at some level and I think that when we hear no, when we see an audience, when we see other people reject our message, let’s say I'm a teacher and I'm trying to compel a group of students to embrace a topic or to pursue a project with passion and with excitement and it’s just not working, they’re saying no, they’re rejecting my message—there’s a lot of stuff we can learn about that. Is it what we’re saying? Is it how we’re saying it? How do I break through to that individual? How do I customize my message? How do I sharpen that teaching or that insight? How do I make the thing that I’m ultimately trying to get them to do or to buy more compelling?
There’s a lot we can learn about this. How do we pitch things? How do I pitch my boss on giving me a raise? How do I get my students to actually do the work that I need them to do, that I need them to get excited about? How do I get my kids to take out the garbage? That might be a tough one. But we’re all selling and there’s a lot we can learn from when the customer says no—or the recipient says no, the counterparty.
One of the things we always say in sales, you know customers will often use a budget as an excuse, they’ll say, “No, I don’t have the budget to buy your solution or your product” and salespeople hear this all the time.
One of the best salespeople I ever worked with told me, “Budget is never the reason. It is never the reason. If your insight is sharp enough, if it’s delivered in a compelling enough way and if what you’re selling really does address an unseen opportunity that is going to change the way the client does business, they’ll find the budget for it even if there’s no budget allocated.”
So when the customer tells you no because it’s budget, they’re throwing up a smokescreen. You’ve got to push harder and you’ve got to ask the really hard questions to really dig deep because ultimately it probably does come back to what you’re saying, how you’re saying it, what you’re ultimately trying to get them to do.
And that’s true as well when we’re communicating messages to others, to our boss, to our students, to our kids. When we think about their smokescreen answers, they’re generic answers: I’m too busy, I’m not interested, et cetera.
Let’s ask ourselves those questions, let’s be introspective and understand: is it what we’re trying to get them to do and I haven’t really sharpened the edge of why it’s worth doing? Or is it the way I’m delivering it and what can I learn from that rejection to sharpen of the way I tell that story, to sharpen the way I message that to the other side moving forward?
We're not all salespeople, but we're all selling something, whether you're a teacher, parent, team leader, or you're your own boss. Looking at how the best salespeople cope with rejection—which is happening about 70-90% of the time—can be an inspiring model for how to view failure as feedback. Matt Dixon is the Global Head of Salesforce Effectiveness at Korn/Ferry International, and he advises everyone to take a step back from rejection and analyze the reason it happened: "One of the things I always tell salespeople is that it’s important to not turn a deaf ear or ignore that "no," because it’s important to understand why," he says. Look for patterns of rejection: what could you be doing better? Why isn't your message coming across? Your response to rejection actually determines your future success. Will you nurse a bruised ego, or will you use this information to become more persuasive, and more successful?
Once a week.
Subscribe to our weekly newsletter.
The Inglehart-Welzel World Cultural map replaces geographic accuracy with closeness in terms of values.
- This map replaces geography with another type of closeness: cultural values.
- Although the groups it depicts have familiar names, their shapes are not.
- The map makes for strange bedfellows: Brazil next to South Africa and Belgium neighboring the U.S.
Some countries value self-expression more than others.Credit: Robyn Beck / AFP via Getty Images
Question: On what map is Lithuania a neighbor of China, Poland lies next to Brazil, and Morocco and Yemen touch?
Answer: The Inglehart-Welzel World Cultural Map. To be precise, the 2017 map. Because on the 2020 version, each of those pairs has drifted apart significantly.
These are not, strictly speaking, maps but rather scatterplot diagrams. Each dot represents a country, the position of which is based on how it ranks on two different values (discussed below). The dots are corralled together into geo-cultural groups:
- Catholic Europe, which comprises countries as diverse and far apart as Hungary and Andorra■ Protestant Europe, taking in both Iceland and Germany
- The Orthodox world, from Belarus all the way to Armenia
- The three Baltic states
- The English-speaking world, including both the U.S. and Northern Ireland
- The huge African-Islamic world, ranging from Azerbaijan to South Africa
- Latin America, which goes from Mexico to Argentina
- South Asia, which comprises both India and Cyprus
- The Confucian world, encompassing China and Japan.
The placement of the dots indicates cultural proximity or distance. Some countries from different groups can be more similar than other countries in the same group.
See the examples indicated above: cultural neighbors China and Lithuania belong to the Confucian and Baltic groups, respectively. Poland is part of Catholic Europe; its 2017 neighbor Brazil is in Latin America. Morocco and Yemen are closer culturally to Armenia, in the Orthodox group, than they are to Qatar, despite all belonging to the African-Islamic group.
The 2017 version of the map places Malta deep inside South America and lets Vietnam, Portugal, and Macedonia meet.Credit: World Values Survey, public domain.
Creating a culture map
So, what exactly are the criteria used for plotting these dots in the first place?
These maps are part of the World Values Survey, first conducted by political scientist Ronald Inglehart in the late 1990s. With his colleague Christian Welzel, he produced an update in 2005. The WVS has been revised several times since, most recently in 2020.
The WVS asserts that there are two fundamental dimensions to cross-cultural variation across the world. These are used as the axes to plot the various countries on the diagram.
- The X-axis measures survival versus self-expression values.
Survival values focus on economic and physical security. There is not much room for trust and tolerance of "others." Self-expression values prioritize well-being, quality of life, and self-expression. There is more room for tolerating ethnic, religious, and sexual minorities.
- The Y-axis measures traditional versus secular-rational values.
Traditional values include deference to religion and parental authority as well as traditional social and family values. Societies that score high on traditions typically also are highly nationalistic. In more secular-rational societies, science and bureaucracy replace faith as the basis for authority. Secular-rational values include high tolerance of things like divorce, abortion, euthanasia, and suicide.
As indicated by the significant changes on the 2020 map, the cultural values of nations are not static:
- Countries that move up on the map are shifting from traditional to more secular-rational values.
- Countries that move to the right on the map are shifting from survival values to self-expression values.
- And, of course, vice versa in both cases.
According to the authors of the map, changes in cultural outlook can be the result of socioeconomic changes — increasing levels of wealth, for example. But the religious and cultural heritage of each country also plays a part.
The world's cultural landscape is dynamic — you could even say promiscuous, producing new bedfellows every few years.Credit: World Values Survey, public domain.
Some notable features of the 2020 map:
- The Baltic group has been dissolved; Lithuania is now part of Catholic Europe, Estonia a lone Protestant island in a Catholic sea. More worryingly, Latvia seems to have dissolved completely.
- In general, survival values are strongest in African-Islamic countries, self-expression values in Protestant Europe.
- Traditional values are strongest in African-Islamic countries and Latin America, while secular values dominate in Confucian countries and Protestant Europe.
- The United States is an atypical member of the English-speaking group, scoring much lower on both scales (that is to say, lower and more to the left). In other words, the U.S. is more into traditional and survival values than the group's other members.
- Shifting attitudes don't just separate; they also unite. Belgium and the U.S. are now culture buddies, as are New Zealand and Iceland. Kazakhstan is virtually indistinguishable from Bosnia.
The Inglehart-Welzel map is not without its critics. It has been decried as Eurocentric, simplistic, and culturally essentialist (that is, the assumption that certain cultural characteristics are essential and fixed, and that some are superior to others). Which is, of course, a very self-expressive thing to say.
For more on these maps, on the WVS surveys, and on the methodology used, visit the World Values Survey.
Strange Maps #1098
Got a strange map? Let me know at email@example.com.
A study finds that baby mammals dream about the world they are about to experience to prepare their senses.
- Researchers find that babies of mammals dream about the world they are entering.
- The study focused on neonatal waves in mice before they first opened their eyes.
- Scientists believe human babies also prime their visual motion detection before birth.
Imagine opening your eyes for the first time as a brand new baby. The world is so mysterious, full of obstacles and strange shapes. And yet it does not take babies all that long to get their bearings, to latch on to their parents, and to start interacting. How do they do this so quickly? A new study published in Science proposes that babies of mammals dream about the world they are about to enter before being born, developing important skills.
The team, led by professor Michael Crair, who specializes in neuroscience, ophthalmology, and visual science, wanted to understand why when mammals are born, they are already somewhat prepared to interact with the world.
"At eye opening, mammals are capable of pretty sophisticated behavior," said Craig, "But how do the circuits form that allow us to perceive motion and navigate the world? It turns out we are born capable of many of these behaviors, at least in rudimentary form."
Unusual retinal activity
The scientists observed waves of activity radiating from the retinas of newborn mice before their eyes first open. Imaging shows that soon after birth, this activity disappears. In its place matures a network of neural transmissions that carries visual stimuli to the brain, as explained by a Yale press release. Once it reaches the brain, the information is encoded for storage.
What's particularly unusual about this neonatal activity is that it demonstrates a pattern that would happen if the animal was moving forward somewhere. As the researchers write in the study, "Spontaneous waves of retinal activity flow in the same pattern as would be produced days later by actual movement through the environment."
Crair explained that this "dream-like activity" makes sense from an evolutionary standpoint, as it helps the mouse get ready for what will happen to it after it opens its eyes. It allows the animal to "respond immediately to environmental threats," Crair shared.
Retinal waves in a newborn mouse prepare it for vision www.youtube.com
What is creating the waves?
The scientists also probed what is responsible for creating the retinal waves that mimic the forward motion. They turned on and off the functionality of starburst amacrine cells — retinal cells that release neurotransmitters — and discovered that blocking them stopped the retinal waves from flowing, which hindered the mouse from developing the ability to react to visual motion upon birth. These cells are also important to an adult mouse, affecting how it reacts to environmental stimuli.
Graphic showing the origin and functionality of directional retinal waves.Michael C. Crair et al, Science, 2021.
What about human babies?
While the study focused on mice, human babies also seem to be able to identify objects and motion right after birth. This suggests the presence of a similar phenomenon in babies before they are born.
"These brain circuits are self-organized at birth and some of the early teaching is already done," Crair stated. "It's like dreaming about what you are going to see before you even open your eyes."
Evolution proves to be just about as ingenious as Nikola Tesla
- For the first time, scientists developed 3D scans of shark intestines to learn how they digest what they eat.
- The scans reveal an intestinal structure that looks awfully familiar — it looks like a Tesla valve.
- The structure may allow sharks to better survive long breaks between feasts.
Considering how much sharks are feared by humans, it is a bit of a surprise that scientists don't know much about the predators. For example, until recently, sharks were thought to be solitary creatures searching the seas for food on their own. Now it appears that some sharks are quite social.
Another mystery is how these prehistoric swimming and eating machines digest food. Although scientists have made 2D sketches of captured sharks' digestive systems based on dissections, there is a limit to what can be learned in this way. Professor Adam Summers at University of Washington's Friday Harbor Labs says:
"Intestines are so complex, with so many overlapping layers, that dissection destroys the context and connectivity of the tissue. It would be like trying to understand what was reported in a newspaper by taking scissors to a rolled-up copy. The story just won't hang together."
Summers is co-author of a new study that has produced the first 3D scans of a shark's intestines, which turns out to have a strange, corkscrew structure. What's even more bizarre is that it resembles the amazing one-way valve designed by inventor Nikola Tesla in 1920. The research is published in the journal Proceedings of the Royal Society B.
What a 3D model reveals
Video: Pacific spiny dogfish intestine youtu.be
According to the study's lead author Samantha Leigh, "It's high time that some modern technology was used to look at these really amazing spiral intestines of sharks. We developed a new method to digitally scan these tissues and now can look at the soft tissues in such great detail without having to slice into them."
"CT scanning is one of the only ways to understand the shape of shark intestines in three dimensions," adds Summers. The researchers scanned the intestines of nearly three dozen different shark species.
It is believed that sharks go for extended periods — days or even weeks — between big meals. The scans reveal that food passes slowly through the intestine, affording sharks' digestive system the time to fully extract its nutrient value. The researchers hypothesize that such a slow digestive process may also require less energy.
It could be that this slow digestion is more susceptible to back flow given that the momentum of digested food through the tract must be minimal. Perhaps that is why sharks evolved something so similar to a Tesla valve.
What is Tesla's valve doing there?
Above, a Tesla valve. Below, a shark intestine.Credit: Samantha Leigh / California State University, Domi
Tesla's "valvular conduit," or what the world now calls a "Tesla valve," is a one-way valve with no moving parts. Its brilliance is based in fluid dynamics and only now coming to be fully appreciated. Essentially, a series of teardrop-shaped loops arranged along the length of the valve allow water to flow easily in one direction but not in the other. Modern tests reveal that at low flow rates, water can travel through the valve either way, but at high flow rates, the design kicks in. According to mathematician Leif Ristroph:
"Crucially, this turn-on comes with the generation of turbulent flows in the reverse direction, which 'plug' the pipe with vortices and disrupting currents. Moreover, the turbulence appears at far lower flow rates than have ever previously been observed for pipes of more standard shapes — up to 20 times lower speed than conventional turbulence in a cylindrical pipe or tube. This shows the power it has to control flows, which could be used in many applications."
A deeper dive
Summers suggests the scans are just the beginning. "The vast majority of shark species, and the majority of their physiology, are completely unknown," says Summers, adding that "every single natural history observation, internal visualization, and anatomical investigation shows us things we could not have guessed at."
To this end, the researchers plan to use 3D printing to produce models through which they can observe the behavior of different substances passing through them — after all, sharks typically eat fish, invertebrates, mammals, and seagrass. They also plan to explore with engineers ways in which the shark intestine design could be used industrially, perhaps for the treatment of wastewater or for filtering microplastics.
It could fairly be said, though, that Nikola Tesla was 100 years ahead of them.
The non-contact technique could someday be used to lift much heavier objects — maybe even humans.
- Since the 1980s, researchers have been using sound waves to move matter through a technique called acoustic trapping.
- Acoustic trapping devices move bits of matter by emitting strategically designed sound waves, which interact in such a way that the matter becomes "trapped" in areas of particular velocity and pressure.
- Acoustic and optical trapping devices are already used in various fields, including medicine, nanotechnology, and biological research.
Sound can have powerful effects on matter. After all, sound strikes our world in waves — vibrations of air molecules that bounce off of, get absorbed by, or pass through matter around us. Sound waves from a trained opera singer can shatter a wine glass. From a jet, they can collapse a stone wall. But sound can also be harnessed for delicate interactions with matter.
Since the 1980s, researchers have been using sound to move matter through a phenomenon called acoustic trapping. The method is based on the fact that sound waves produce an acoustic radiation force.
"When an acoustic wave interacts with a particle, it exerts both an oscillatory force and a much smaller steady-state 'radiation' force," wrote the American Physical Society. "This latter force is the one used for trapping and manipulation. Radiation forces are generated by the scattering of a traveling sound wave, or by energy gradients within the sound field."
When tiny particles encounter this radiation, they tend to be drawn toward regions of certain pressure and velocity within the sound field. Researchers can exploit this tendency by engineering sound waves that "trap" — or suspend — tiny particles in the air. Devices that do this are often called "acoustic tweezers."
Building a better tweezer
A study recently published in the Japanese Journal of Applied Physics describes how researchers created a new type of acoustic tweezer that was able to lift a small polystyrene ball into the air.
Tweezers of Sound: Acoustic Manipulation off a Reflective Surface youtu.be
It is not the first example of a successful "acoustic tweezer" device, but the new method is likely the first to overcome a common problem in acoustic trapping: sound waves bouncing off reflective surfaces, which disrupts acoustic traps.
To minimize the problems of reflectivity, the team behind the recent study configured ultrasonic transducers such that the sound waves that they produce overlap in a strategic way that is able to lift a small bit of polystyrene from a reflective surface. By changing how the transducers emit sound waves, the team can move the acoustic trap through space, which moves the bit of matter.
Move, but don't touch
So far, the device is only able to move millimeter-sized pieces of matter with varying degrees of success. "When we move a particle, it sometimes scatters away," the team noted. Still, improved acoustic trapping and other no-contact lifting technologies — like optical tweezers, commonly used in medicine — could prove useful in many future applications, including cell separation, nanotechnologies, and biological research.
Could future acoustic-trapping devices lift large and heavy objects, maybe even humans? It seems possible. In 2018, researchers from the University of Bristol managed to acoustically trap particles whose diameters were larger than the sound wavelength, which was a breakthrough because it surpassed "the classical Rayleigh scattering limit that has previously restricted stable acoustic particle trapping," the researchers wrote in their study.
In other words, the technique — which involved suspending matter in tornado-like acoustic traps — showed that it is possible to scale up acoustic trapping.
"Acoustic tractor beams have huge potential in many applications," Bruce Drinkwater, co-author of the 2018 study, said in a statement. "I'm particularly excited by the idea of contactless production lines where delicate objects are assembled without touching them."