Gaze Your Way to Love at an "Eye Contact Party"

Michael Ellsberg: There's two scenarios with romance.  One is the very first impression; then there's the date once you’ve connected and you’re going on a date.  And these two scenarios are very different.  

The first impression, it is really possible to overdo the eye contact.  If you’re just staring someone down, they’re going to feel really uncomfortable.  They’re just going to feel oppressed by your eye contact and it’s not the impression you want to make for a first date.  For the flirting kind of initial stages of connecting, it’s important to have a flirtatious eye contact.  You’re flirting, so you want to make eye contact, but you don’t want to make it too intense.  There's a lot of power in sort of making some eye contact and looking away a little bit, making eye contact, coming back, lingering a little bit, then maybe looking away.  That flirtation of the on again off again really has a lot of power--just like you hear about people who are like hot, cold and that really creates obsession, it’s the same thing with eye contact.  It’s very effective for both men and women.

However, once you are past the initial first impressions, once you have some rapport, say you’re on your first date, on your second date, so long as there is rapport--and tha's my assumption here--if the date's not going well, then no amount of eye contact is going to save it.  But, if there's generally a good rapport on the date, it’s really hard to overdo eye contact.  Very few things create and sustain that electric, magnetic sense of attraction more rapidly, more powerfully than eye contact.   

It is very powerful stuff.  That's why people are afraid of it.  People are very scared of eye contact precisely because it’s so powerful.  It brings up so many emotions.  It creates such an electric charge.  Well, that's the electric charge you want on a date.  So, learning how to be very comfortable with prolonged eye contact is a great way to make your date sizzle.  That's the most powerful way I've ever known.


Directed / Produced by

Jonathan Fowler & Elizabeth Rodd


Michael Ellsberg's popular "eye contact parties" bring singles together for two minute gazing sessions, followed by cocktails. Guess which is the icebreaker?

LinkedIn meets Tinder in this mindful networking app

Swipe right to make the connections that could change your career.

Getty Images
Swipe right. Match. Meet over coffee or set up a call.

No, we aren't talking about Tinder. Introducing Shapr, a free app that helps people with synergistic professional goals and skill sets easily meet and collaborate.

Keep reading Show less

People who engage in fat-shaming tend to score high in this personality trait

A new study explores how certain personality traits affect individuals' attitudes on obesity in others.

Mind & Brain
  • The study compared personality traits and obesity views among more than 3,000 mothers.
  • The results showed that the personality traits neuroticism and extraversion are linked to more negative views and behaviors related to obesity.
  • People who scored high in conscientiousness are more likely to experience "fat phobia.
Keep reading Show less

4 anti-scientific beliefs and their damaging consequences

The rise of anti-scientific thinking and conspiracy is a concerning trend.

Moon Landing Apollo
  • Fifty years later after one of the greatest achievements of mankind, there's a growing number of moon landing deniers. They are part of a larger trend of anti-scientific thinking.
  • Climate change, anti-vaccination and other assorted conspiratorial mindsets are a detriment and show a tangible impediment to fostering real progress or societal change.
  • All of these separate anti-scientific beliefs share a troubling root of intellectual dishonesty and ignorance.
Keep reading Show less

Reigning in brutality - how one man's outrage led to the Red Cross and the Geneva Conventions

The history of the Geneva Conventions tells us how the international community draws the line on brutality.

Napoleon III at the Battle of Solferino. Painting by Adolphe Yvon. 1861.
Politics & Current Affairs
  • Henry Dunant's work led to the Red Cross and conventions on treating prisoners humanely.
  • Four Geneva Conventions defined the rules for prisoners of war, torture, naval and medical personnel and more.
  • Amendments to the agreements reflect the modern world but have not been ratified by all countries.
Keep reading Show less