'Time Lies.' (William Doan, CC BY-ND)

I was in trouble. And I knew I had to get help. So I started to tell my wife and family the truth – that this struggle went beyond the death of my sister, that for most of my life, I had been in an almost constant battle with anxiety and depression, and that I was afraid I was finally losing and might go crazy. I found an excellent therapist. I started doing the hard work of living with my anxiety and depression honestly and openly, which, for me, includes taking an antidepressant. Acknowledging and accepting the need for medication was perhaps the most difficult stigma to face. I felt like a failure. Getting past that feeling took some time.

'Dark/Light.' (William Doan, CC BY-ND)

Living openly with my anxiety and depression has helped me better understand my drawing and creative work as efforts to make meaning out of the volcanic feelings of fear and despair – and the almost catatonic shutdowns that could happen inside me at any time.

This new understanding eventually led me to become intentional about drawing as a way to imagine myself as mentally healthy, rather than define myself by my mental illness. I drew upon the work of artists like Frederick Franck and his books “The Zen of Seeing" and “The Awakened Eye," which outline simple meditative approaches to drawing.

I work almost solely in ink- and water-based mediums because of the gestural and fluid ways I can translate feelings into lines and movement of color. I draw every day, and sometimes I'll simply draw what I see – birds, flowers, landscapes, people, myself – to stay grounded in the here and now.

'RoseHips Meditation.' (William Doan, CC BY-ND)

Sharing what it's like to live with anxiety and depression feels like undressing in front of strangers, but I thought it might help decrease stigma, which nearly 90% of people with mental health problems say has a negative effect on their lives.

As I learned more about the connection between drawing, wellness and stigma, it turns out that I was onto something.

In 2016, psychologist Jennifer Drake and her team of researchers studied the benefits of drawing over four consecutive days, and discovered that the simple daily act has benefits. “You can get a positive effect with just 15 minutes of drawing," she concludes. “Drawing to distract is a simple and powerful way to elevate mood, at least in the short term." Meanwhile, researchers across many scientific fields have explored the ways art making can combat stigma about mental illness.

As Jenny Lawson writes in “Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things," “When you come out of the grips of a depression there is an incredible relief, but not one you feel allowed to celebrate. Instead, the feeling of victory is replaced with anxiety that it will happen again, and with shame and vulnerability when you see how your illness affected your family, your work, everything left untouched while you struggled to survive."

For me, it was the kind of shame that shepherds you right into the waiting arms of the stigma around mental illness. I needed to find a way through – for myself and, hopefully, for others.

Art became the way.

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