How Belgium Plans to Take Over Europe
Europe shocked as leaked map reveals secret plan for Belgian domination
With the United Kingdom now fully committed to Brexit, the European Union can finally revert to what was the secret plan all along. As prescribed in the secret addenda to the Treaties of Rome, Lisbon and Maastricht, the EU will be belgianised – in short: it will become a forced synthesis between north and south, never stronger than when it is on the verge of breaking up, which is always.
Belgium itself is the world capital of surrealism, a country of which Rene Magritte, one of its most famous artists, might well have said: Ceci n’est pas un pays. And being a high-functioning non-country is exactly the European Union’s best hope for the future.
So it’s no coincidence that Brussels, the capital of both Belgium and of its federated region Flanders (1), is also the capital of Europe. This is in preparation for the expansion of the Kingdom of Belgium. One day soon, it will balloon to become a super-state covering much of continental Europe.
As revealed by this map (burn after reading):
Belgium in its current shape has only 66.5 km of coast. Barring tiny island nations like Niue, mini-states like Monaco and of course landlocked countries, that makes Belgium the country with the seventh-shortest shoreline in the world (2). No more: the Belgian coast will expand to stretch hundreds of kilometres along what will henceforth be known as the Belgian Channel – say goodbye to the English one – but strangely, miraculously, still only run from De Panne in the west to Knokke in the east, as it does now.
Medium-sized Belgian towns such as Ghent, Leuven, Charleroi and Antwerp will become European megacities, much as they once were, during the Middle Ages.
The Ardennes, the softly undulating hill country in the south of Belgium, will move south and merge with the more pronounced indentations of the Alps. Thus, Switzerland will become the Swiss Ardennes, northern Italy now is the Italian Ardennes, and Austria is just the Austrian Ardennes.
The Flemings in the north of Belgium speak Dutch, the Walloons in the south speak French, a fact inspiring most observers to believe a breakup of Belgium would lead to the respective halves of the country merging with the Netherlands and France, respectively. They have got it backwards: it is the Dutch and French who speak a dialect of Flemish and Walloon. This will facilitate their absorption into the Belgian superstate. The Germans, for their part, speak a form of Luxembourgeois.
Luxembourg, for those not in the know, is a miniature version of Belgium: a multilingual, multicultural monarchy quietly merging the best bits of its neighbours into a highly comfortable and successful way of life. While other countries shrink, it gets to expand together with Belgium, and dominates the southwest of Europe.
The UK has shrunk to a very Little England indeed. Its capital, bereft of all those bankers, is henceforth known as the Village of London. Don’t get hit by any of those tumbleweeds rolling through Oxford Street. On the upside: rents have plummeted to pre-Thatcher prices.
The North Sea is the North Belgian Sea. Spain is Summer Belgium, with its Mediterranean coastline now dubbed Costa del Belges. As if they need any more coastline. Greedy Belgians!
This future map of Europe was leaked to me by Sarah Ratayczak, who is partially of Belgian descent. “I saw the map attached on the door of a Poli Sci professor’s office when I was an undergrad at Wisconsin. I asked for a copy – its Belgocentric view of the world appealed to me because my mom’s family is from Belgium (long long ago).”
Strange Maps #184
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(1) Brussels is a separate region, enclaved within Flanders; nevertheless, it is also the capital of the Flemish region. A surreal situation, but not entirely unique. There are many instances around the world of cities administering territories of which they are not a part. A remarkable example is Chandigarh, in India. This planned city – designed by Le Corbusier – is a Union territory, directly ruled from the Indian capital Delhi. It is also the capital of not just one, but two states, Punjab and Haryana, without being part of either.
(2) Only Iraq (58 km), Togo (56 km), Slovenia (47 km), DR Congo (37 km), Jordan (26 km) and Bosnia and Herzegovina (20 km) have even less of a coastline.
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Whether or not women think beards are sexy has to do with "moral disgust"
- A new study found that women perceive men with facial hair to be more attractive as well as physically and socially dominant.
- Women tend to associate more masculine faces with physical strength, social assertiveness, and formidability.
- Women who display higher levels of "moral disgust," or feelings of repugnance toward taboo behaviors, are more likely to prefer hairy faces.
Beards and perceptions of masculinity<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMjU5OTg0MC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0NzkxMjM3N30.cH-GqNwP5GVqvstgJWAhBPn1B_lYpVEAI0I7iax7EQw/img.jpg?width=1245&coordinates=0%2C1900%2C0%2C849&height=700" id="caae6" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="cb0a355a4e8e1899789bc45f3f7aef56" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
Photo Credit: Wikimedia<p>The study used 919 American (mostly white) women ages 18-70 who rated 30 pictures of men they were shown with various stages of facial hair growth. The photographs depicted men with faces that had been digitally altered to look more feminine or more masculine, with a beard and without a beard. The women rated the men according to perceived attractiveness for long-term and short-term relationships. The study found that the more facial hair the men had, the higher the men were rated on their attractiveness, particularly for their suitability for a long-term relationship.</p><p>Part of this might be attributed to facial masculinity — i.e. protruding brow ridge, wide cheekbones, thick jawline, and deeply set narrow eyes — which conveys information to a woman about a man's underlying health and formidability. Women tend to associate more masculine faces with physical strength and social assertiveness. It can also indicate a man with a superior immune response. The researchers suggested that their findings favoring bearded men could be due to the fact that facial hair enhances the masculine facial features on a man's face, like creating the illusion of a thicker jaw line. This could communicate direct benefits to women like resources and protection that would enhance survival among mothers and their infants. In other words, while a beard doesn't mean superior genetics in and of itself, it might be a primitive, ornamental way of saying, "Hey girl, I'm a testosterone-fueled lean, mean, pathogen fighting machine." <br></p><p>It could also be that a beard becomes its own destiny. The researchers in this study cite prior research that found that by growing a beard, men felt more masculine and had higher levels of serum testosterone, which was linked to a higher level of social dominance. They also tended to subscribe to more old-school beliefs about gender roles in their relationships with women as compared to men with clean-shaven faces.<span></span><br></p>
What does disgust have to do with beard preference?<p>Obviously, not all women dig beards. The researchers were particularly interested in what traits make a women prefer bearded men over clean-shaven faces. They looked into several factors including a woman's disgust levels on various concepts, her desire to become pregnant, and her exposure to facial hair in her personal life. </p><p>According to the study, women who were not into facial hair were turned-off by potential parasites or other critters they imagined could be in the hair or skin. Women ranking high on this "ectoparasite disgust" scale might have viewed beards as a sign of poor grooming habits. However, women who ranked higher in levels of "pathogen" did find the bearded men to be desirable, possibly because they perceived beards as a signal of good health and immune function. An intriguing discovery in the study was links to morality. Women who displayed higher levels of "moral disgust," or feelings of repugnance toward taboo behaviors, were more likely to prefer hairy faces. The authors opined that this could reflect a link between beardedness, politically conservative outlooks, and traditional views regarding performances of masculinity in heterosexual relationships.</p>
Additional findings<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8yMjU5OTg1My9vcmlnaW4uZ2lmIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyNDI1NjUyOX0.P9B8WbmJR0q4nfzYZKbuNSA-2SAigVWJgrQE-_Gxlds/img.gif?width=980" id="49143" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="2ed3b1d6f20fc170bf2974646e565e8d" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />Giphy<p>The correlations that existed between married and single women's rating on the attractiveness of beards were not particularly clear, although the researchers noted that single and married women who wanted children tended to find beards more attractive than the women who didn't want children. They also found that women with bearded husbands found beards to be more attractive, which might indicate that social exposure to beards influences how desirable they are perceived of as being. Or it could be that men with wives who like beards grow beards.</p><p>It's important to note that culture plays a huge role in how attractive women perceive certain male characteristics as being. This study looked at a small, culturally specific group of American women, so no big, universal claims should be made about masculinity, facial hair, and male desirability to women. However, research like this is important in highlighting how human grooming decisions are driven by much more than fashion trends. Sociobiological, economic, and ecological factors all play a part in the way we choose to present ourselves.</p>
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