Why God Needs Pornography

It occurred to me that the world is not going well.  Locally, the environment is not exactly on the upswing, but also universally.  The universe by virtue of the cosmological constant is expanding and it’s expanding at an accelerating rate such that ultimately every particle will be so far apart from every other that there will be no communication whatsoever.  

It will be solitary confinement for every quark.  So I figured that if there is a God – and I have no idea if there is – that God had better get down to business creating other universes and that procreative act might require some sort of encouragement. So I naturally thought of pornography. And for God, of course, the usual sort of pornography is not going to be particularly titillating.  I don’t think that people or even bestiality is really going to go over in any way that’s going to be appealing, but God entered into this procreative act initially, the Big Bang, which was in a sense a divine orgasm.

So my thought was that perhaps we could stage little bangs, pornography being a smaller somewhat artificial contrived version of sex in the real world as we experience it. For God those little bangs might be stimulating, and might stimulate God to create other universes.  In the past this would have been difficult.  We never really had the ability until just recently by virtue of the Large Hadron Collider to create pornography for God.  We didn’t have the ability to make any bangs whatsoever.

But now we can, and so my idea was that I would set up an altar in the same way that religions have done for millennia, but instead of the incense and the slaughtered lamb I would present this pornographic act. I would have a monitor with a live feed from the Large Hadron Collider that would deliver to God this pornographic material, which might potentially encourage God to get into the act of making more universes before it’s too late. 

I still don’t know whether there is or is not a God.  I would imagine that this would not be the optimal way to find out since the idea of creating pornography for God is not to make God angry such that maybe some sort of legislation gets passed in some cosmic sense that prevents any such smut from being sold to underage demigods.  What I’m hoping is that this will encourage God to make other worlds, other universes, which by definition are not universes that we would ever encounter.

To me that’s appealing because first of all, it absolves me of any responsibility in terms of whether this works out and secondly because no matter what we do in this universe it will have no effect on that. And while I would not encourage irresponsibility, but rather the opposite, in our own universe I would nevertheless say that the fact that other universes are perhaps in the making and that there is a need for other universes to be in the making might make us reflect on our own universe and our own world perhaps not in terms of adjusting the cosmological constant, but in terms of our engagement with the environment and various other factors in which we can affect our everyday lives that might make us more aware of how things are going for us and how we might potentially be more involved in stabilizing and perhaps improving our world.

In Their Own Words is recorded in Big Think’s studio.

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