What are the true motivations of people who cheat, and why do even happy spouses do it?
We all know what infidelity is, but a universal definition is difficult to carve out—especially in the digital age. Is watching porn cheating, or is it only cheating if the person on the other side of the screen is live? Each scenario is subjective, but psychotherapist Esther Perel crystalizes the three elements that lie at the heart of all cheating: secrecy, sexual alchemy, and emotion—even if the person don't think so. Cheating is typically interpreted as a symptom of a bad relationship or of something lacking in a partner, however one of the biggest revelations for Perel in researching her latest book, The State of Affairs, was that happy people also stray. Even people in satisfying relationships find themselves crossing the line they never thought they would. So what gives? "They often stray not because they want to find another person but because they want to reconnect with a different version of themselves," she says. "It isn’t so much that they want to leave the person that they are with as much as sometimes they want to leave the person that they have themselves become." Esther Perel is the author of The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. See more at estherperel.com.
It's all in your mind. Really. Everything bad in the world might be coming from one particular part of the human brain.
Ever hear the expression "it's all in your mind"? Well, according to Robert Sapolsky all the negativity in the world might all be coming from one part of the brain: the frontal cortex. The science of temptation runs parallel to the science of why people make "bad" decisions. Sapolsky talks about how active the frontal cortex can be in some people when they have the opportunity to do a bad thing... and how calm it can be in other people when presented with a similar situation. Performing full-frontal lobotomies on the world's population to rid the world of negativity isn't exactly in the cards—but understanding the basis of the world's problems on a scientific (not to mention cranial level) might help make future generations much more adept at stopping humanity's biggest mistakes. Robert Sapolsky's most recent book is Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst.