The 3 cognitive scripts that subtly rule our lives

In a 1979 study, cognitive scientists discovered something peculiar: When participants were asked to describe everyday experiences — going to the doctor, dining at a restaurant — they produced nearly identical responses. They followed the same sequences, listed the same steps, and expected the same outcomes.

Since then, research has revealed that these patterns extend far beyond everyday activities. We rely on deeply ingrained “cognitive scripts” not just for daily routines but for shaping our careers, relationships, and identities. While they can offer comfort, they also hold us back from reaching our full potential.

Conforming to scripts that aren’t ours

One of the most dominant cognitive scripts is the Sequel Script — the assumption that the next chapter of our lives must logically follow from the last. We stick to careers we no longer enjoy, remain in relationships that no longer serve us, and avoid exploring opportunities that seem inconsistent with who we have been. This self-consistency fallacy stems from our brain’s preference for familiar narratives — stories that make sense and offer direction, reassuring us that we are on the right track.

Another script that subtly governs our behavior is the Crowdpleaser Script. The pressure to conform to social expectations is powerful, often masquerading as wisdom or prudence. From an early age, we internalize socially-sanctified milestones — educational achievements, career ladders, relationship timelines. The desire to be validated by peers and family keeps many from taking unconventional paths, even when those paths are more aligned with our own definition of success (consider someone staying in a career they don’t enjoy just to satisfy family expectations).

The third one is the Epic Script, the belief that life should revolve around one grand purpose. The idea is seductive: Find the “one thing” that’s meant for us and dedicate our lives to it. Yet research suggests this thinking is flawed. Many who chase a singular passion become disillusioned when faced with setbacks, assuming they have chosen wrong rather than adjusting course. Others feel lost when they fail to identify a defining purpose at all. The truth is that most people are multipotentialites — curious, evolving beings with diverse interests. Embracing this fluidity can lead to a more fulfilling life.

How to break free from cognitive scripts

Cognitive scripts provide useful structure, especially for routine activities, but they shouldn’t define the course of our lives. Recognizing these unseen but ever-present cognitive scripts is the first step to breaking free from them. The key isn’t a dramatic overhaul, but rather a mental shift — replacing rigid expectations with an experimental mindset. By allowing ourselves to test new possibilities without the pressure of a fixed outcome, we open the door to a more aligned way of living.

One of the most effective ways to disrupt a cognitive script is to question its origins. Was a particular expectation taught by family, reinforced by culture, or self-imposed based on outdated beliefs? By examining our most obvious, seemingly natural ambitions, we can separate inherited influences from what truly matters to us.

To uncover a Sequel Script, someone might ask: Am I applying to this job because I could learn and grow or because it “makes sense” based on my previous job? For the Crowdpleaser Script: Am I pursuing this career milestone for myself or because I hope it will please others? For the Epic Script: Am I dedicating myself to this pursuit because it truly aligns with my interests or because I feel pressured to find my purpose?

Big life changes are intimidating, which is why many people remain tied to reassuring scripts. A powerful way to transition out of them is through small, low-risk experiments. Instead of quitting a long-term career overnight, try freelancing in a new field or taking a course. Instead of committing to a life-changing move, spend a few weeks in a different city. Experimenting with new ways of being allows for gradual shifts without the pressure of an all-or-nothing decision.

Cognitive scripts often come with predefined measures of success: promotions, financial milestones, social recognition. But these standards can be rigid and limiting. What if success wasn’t about ticking off traditional milestones but about lifelong curiosity, change, and growth? 

Breaking free from cognitive scripts is about unlearning what we’ve been taught to expect from ourselves. It’s about loosening our grip on the narratives we’ve internalized and letting go of the need for certainty and the default lens of traditional achievement. It requires the courage to question ingrained narratives, experiment with new possibilities, and redefine success on our terms. When we embrace this experimental mindset, we allow ourselves to build a life that’s aligned with our own evolving ambitions.