How Best to Make Up After an Argument (It's Not Make Up Sex)
Widener University's Dr. Hal Shorey has put forward five suggestions we can all take to keep a normal argument from turning into relationship poison.
What's the Latest?
Men and women respond differently to arguments, according to a 2003 paper published in the journal Personal Relationships. What the study found is that across 62 cultures from all over the globe, men reported higher levels of "attachment avoidance," meaning they were more likely to avoid negative emotions and conflict situations than women. When it comes to arguing, men tend to apologize quickly, wanting to move on with things, while women prefer to talk through problems. But by thinking past their own blind spots, say psychologists, men and women can work together to resolve arguments in ways that help, rather than hinder, the relationship.
What's the Big Idea?
Widener University's Dr. Hal Shorey has put forward five suggestions we can all take to keep a normal argument from turning into relationship poison. (1) Wait till everyone has cooled off before trying to resolve the argument. When passions flare, hurtful things can be said, so just wait a little and then talk. (2) Focus on the other person's feelings, not on being right. (3) Mirror the other's position by saying you understand how you have made them feel. Again, how someone feels is neither right nor wrong. (4) Avoid the word "but" in an apology, as in, "I'm sorry but...". (5) Finally, explain to your partner that you care about him or her and that you're willing to change your behavior.
Read more at the Wall Street Journal
Photo credit: Shutterstock
Swipe right to make the connections that could change your career.
Swipe right. Match. Meet over coffee or set up a call.
No, we aren't talking about Tinder. Introducing Shapr, a free app that helps people with synergistic professional goals and skill sets easily meet and collaborate.
The Oxfam report prompted Anand Giridharadas to tweet: "Don't be Pinkered into everything's-getting-better complacency."
- A new report by Oxfam argues that wealth inequality is causing poverty and misery around the world.
- In the last year, the world's billionaires saw their wealth increase by 12%, while the poorest 3.8 billion people on the planet lost 11% of their wealth.
- The report prompted Anand Giridharadas to tweet: "Don't be Pinkered into everything's-getting-better complacency." We explain what Steven Pinker's got to do with it.
Moans, groans, and gripes release stress hormones in the brain.
Could you give up complaining for a whole month? That's the crux of this interesting piece by Jessica Hullinger over at Fast Company. Hullinger explores the reasons why humans are so predisposed to griping and why, despite these predispositions, we should all try to complain less. As for no complaining for a month, that was the goal for people enrolled in the Complaint Restraint project.
Participants sought to go the entirety of February without so much as a moan, groan, or bellyache.
- Facebook and Google began as companies with supposedly noble purposes.
- Creating a more connected world and indexing the world's information: what could be better than that?
- But pressure to return value to shareholders came at the expense of their own users.
SMARTER FASTER trademarks owned by The Big Think, Inc. All rights reserved.