Online dating research shows that when we are free to choose our topics of discussions, we gravitate toward an easy to maintain equilibrium that no one actually enjoys or benefits from. But if we restrict the equilibria we gravitate toward behaviors that are better for everyone. "What can you do personally with this idea? Think about what you can do to make sure that your discussions are not the 'boring but not risky' type. Maybe set the rules of discussion upfront and get your partner to agree that tonight you will only ask questions and talk about things you are truly interested in."