Big Think

Vera Sileikis on February 2, 2008, 11:44 AM

As Mr. Burns would say, excellent. I am a parent who believes that striking a helpless child is much worse than punching your neighbor.

I know that might seem like a strange idea to some, but if I smack another adult, I will be charged with assault, but if I strike my child, it is sanctioned, supported and endorsed by most people and the law enforcement and social agencies. I know that hitting my child teaches her nothing beyond how to bully and that she is not worthy of the time it would take to speak to her about a problem. It shows her that when she is larger or stronger than someone, she can dominate them with fear and violence. If, as a child, she got caught hurting someone, she would learn how to inflict violence covertly, as most adults now do with their children because they know, on some level, that even if they disagree, society no longer wants to watch a child being hit. It’s o.k. if they do it privately, apparently, but not on camera.

It is never o.k. to hit a child. There is no reasonable or rational thought involved when an adult strikes a child. This is an absolute truth, for anyone out there that says there are no absolutes.

a a on February 2, 2008, 2:13 PM

If a parent is using corporal punishment as form of “gratifying exercise”, there is definitely something wrong with the parent. There is a big difference between spanking a child to get their attention and beating a child for any reason. Spanking should be just that, a means of getting the child’s attention when they’re not yet old enough to understand reason, not as way to inflict pain. Spanking should be accompanied by a sound explanation (don’t run into the street, don’t drink that caustic substance, etc.). When a child is old enough to reason, different forms of discipline are appropriate. I don’t think anyone would consider “grounding” a child as child-abuse. Try reasoning with a 2-3 year old. When that doesn’t work, a “light” spanking will get their attention. Just scare them a “little”, don’t hurt them.

Diane Rapkoski on February 2, 2008, 8:20 PM

Wow – saying spanking a child is a form of exercising seems to be an unbelievable comparison. I’m pretty sure you must be joking or pulling our leg. Aggression as a calorie burner? And gratifying? Are you sure you’re not talking about sex? Now, I’ve definitely heard it all! I’m pretty sure we can “burn our calories” in much healthier and satisfying ways.

Sharon Danley on February 3, 2008, 1:32 PM

What point are you making? Your comments are well taken up to the last sentence which then totally disregards the victim/child. Spanking, hitting, attacking in any form to anyone is violence – but to helpless children no matter how irritating they may be is vile and not a matter to joke about.

Vera Sileikis on February 4, 2008, 10:24 AM

Geez people, get a sense of humour already! If you’d read the entire cutencrunchy idea you’d have noticed that he is explaining how idiotic spanking is. What I’m saying is, people that who cannot deal with their children unless they physically dominate and hit them are idiots. When people consder a “light” spanking as means to gain a child’s attention, I wonder how they’d feel if a police officer “lightly” tasered them to get their attention. Perhaps the police officer would feel that the citizen is not capable of reason and so would be justified in using a stun gun. Everytime I read or hear someone trying to justify spanking, I can’t help but feel they are defending their parent’s methods of child rearing, no pun intended. I sure hope people that think it’s o.k. to frighten children don’t have any.

Lloyd Wilkerson on February 4, 2008, 1:04 PM

this whole thing of spanking is to teach someone that there is consequenses for not making correct decision. ie first you tell a child don’t run into street if they don,t listen you spank them. beats them being ran over by car. same with police and being tasered. first they try to reason with person then if they don,t they get tasered. beats having to shot them. if you think you can teach a child that there is no consequense for bad judgement. then i hope i dont live on your street. because i would hate to hit your child just becouse you failed to teach it this simple rule.

Vera Sileikis on February 5, 2008, 9:32 AM

If you take the time to speak to your child (and I guess not many people do these days, according to what I’m reading here), you can graphically illustrate to them that if they run out into the street they can get squashed like a grape by that great big vehicle. If you leave your small child alone, or in the care of other children, they may very well run out into the street. Again, small children should not be unsupervised. On to the next point: cops don’t need to shoot someone they’ve tasered. I guess the operative word here is simple when it comes to some people and their rules. Of course there are consequences for not making the correct decision, but if a person cannot be bothered to explain things to a child more than once, they might want to re-think having children at all. Again, people that defend spanking were likely spanked and don’t want to face the possibility that their parents may have been mistaken with regard to this issue. It’s very sad. Remember the woman who was filmed pounding the child in the carseat while in the parking lot of a shopping mall a couple of years ago? I guess the baby didn’t make the correct decision and did something the mother had warned her about. She probably didn’t want to take the kid out of the carseat to do the acceptable thing; to spank her. It was just easier to punch the kid in the head repeatedly.

Lloyd Wilkerson on February 5, 2008, 10:50 AM

veralynns; i do agree with you that you should try to reason with your child. but as a parent of 5 i can tell you that it is physicly impossible to watch all of your kids 24/7. and since all 4 of my children are grown and out of house and last 1 to go soon to collage. non of which abuse there spouse or other people. how can you say my way is wrong. and there is a big differanse between spanking and abusing a child. i think anyone that strikes their child with a fist or any other place besides their bottom needs to be locked away. and yes this is the way my parents raised me and the way my kids decided to raise theirs.

Eric Holmes on February 5, 2008, 3:37 PM

Bloodhound you suggest any parent that hits their child any other place than the bottom should be locked away. I believe it was once commonly accepted that anyone who hit their wife with any sort of rod larger than 1/4 an inch should be locked away. I’m certainly not suggesting that you are a bad parent or that being spanked ‘ruined’ you. We are all somewhat wounded – however picking the bottom (unlike the nose) is arbitrary you could have said back of head, stomach, but not face..it’s all violence and it all teaches violence as a means of resolving your own frustrations/anxieties..it is not teaching and growing the self or the other in a way that allows generalized global growth..rather they may in a Pavlovian way shy away in fear from situations that present that resemble one in which they were spanked as in hit repeatedly by the one person who is suppose to love them and protect them unconditionally – and that contradiction affects us and our relationships later in life.

Lloyd Wilkerson on February 5, 2008, 4:33 PM

cutencrunchy: if what u say about me just working out my own frustrations/anxieties was true. I would condone hitting in the face/back of head/stomach. for even you know that a hit to these places do alot more damage and pain than the bottom. and i already said that the whole purpose for spanking was to make them shy away from situations. what gives you the right to insinuate that i don’t love my kids because i spank them. I choose to teach my kids that there is consequenses to making bad/poor judgement. that they are the ones responsible for their life not some global community.

a a on February 5, 2008, 9:34 PM

Reasoning vs. spanking a disobedient 2yo or taser stunning a dangerous drug addict. Let’s take it to the next level. I don’t think the Allies tried hard enough to reason with Hitler. They should have joined him rather than fight him.