Something I tell my anxious design students when preparing for a presentation, is “try to remember that most people are too self absorbed with what others are thinking about them to be thinking much at all about you”.
Excessive concern about what others are thinking about you begs the question … “What are you thinking about them?” Are you harshly judgmental of others? Probably not… so why assume others will be of you? Of course, there will be people who will unjustly think poorly of others but these people are often the most insecure themselves.
Focusing your energy on others in a way that is concerned with their enjoyment of the moment and their well being can help move you out of your own insecurities.
In addition to the excellent suggestion of breathing exercises, practice listening to the stream of thoughts that we think so constantly that they become almost the white noise of the mind. This underlying thought process is often laden with negativity about one’s self. When you think these thoughts, make it a practice of turning it into a relevant positive thought. “I can’t speak to people” becomes “I am comfortable speaking to people”. Do this often enough and you can transform the habit of negative self talk into a positive internal monologue.
Most of the suggestions you will come across in response to this question will sound simple enough … putting them into practice takes time, patience, and kindness with oneself.
There are many things you can do to overcome social anxiety but ultimately it’s a matter of putting your mind to overcoming your fears. Of course if your problem is mild you don’t needs meds but if you are unable to live your life normally because of your anxiety, medication may be a good idea. Start with “Act as if”, which basically means, act as if you are confident and it will make you feel more confident. Walk into a room with good posture, with your head up, looking people in the eye. If it is difficult to look people in the eye look at the place between their eyes. Believe it or not, they won’t be able to tell the difference. Smile as much as possible, even if you don’t feel it at first. If you smile anyway you will be smiling for real before you know it. Second, examine your views and thoughts about other people. Do you see yourself as inferior to some and superior to others? Try to realize that all people are equal. That includes you! Everyone is a complex and unique combination of weaknesses and strengths. Know these things in yourself and look for them in others. Also, it is true that everyone mostly thinks about themselves and are somewhat self-conscious in social situations. They aren’t noticing the things about you that you think are so noticeable. In your mind you are probably envisioning worst case scenarios and this is why you are feeling anxious. Go ahead and examine these wort case events and logically estimate whether they are likely to actually happen. Probably they are extremely unlikely or if they happened it wouldn’t be as bad as you think. Now envision best case scenarios and have those in mind when you enter social situations. Remember that it is OK to be shy! Some people find it attractive and you may find that it motivates people to try to get you to talk to them. They aren’t finding out who you are when you aren’t talking so they get curious and approach you saying things like “Don’t talk so much!” or “Give somebody a word in edge wise!”. You may find this annoying because so many people say it to you but see it as an opportunity to take a baby step and face your fears. These people are making an effort to get to know you. Have a prepared response to these comments such as “I know, but I have so much to say!” or “Yep, that’s what everyone tells me.” Ask the person what they do for a living, how their day went, etc. Finally, realize that it won’t happen over night. It may take months or years. Take baby steps and you will probably be surprised how quickly you learn that socializing isn’t really so hard.
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Discuss
Suzan M on May 18, 2008, 4:03 PM
Something I tell my anxious design students when preparing for a presentation, is “try to remember that most people are too self absorbed with what others are thinking about them to be thinking much at all about you”.
Excessive concern about what others are thinking about you begs the question … “What are you thinking about them?” Are you harshly judgmental of others? Probably not… so why assume others will be of you? Of course, there will be people who will unjustly think poorly of others but these people are often the most insecure themselves.
Focusing your energy on others in a way that is concerned with their enjoyment of the moment and their well being can help move you out of your own insecurities.
In addition to the excellent suggestion of breathing exercises, practice listening to the stream of thoughts that we think so constantly that they become almost the white noise of the mind. This underlying thought process is often laden with negativity about one’s self. When you think these thoughts, make it a practice of turning it into a relevant positive thought. “I can’t speak to people” becomes “I am comfortable speaking to people”. Do this often enough and you can transform the habit of negative self talk into a positive internal monologue.
Most of the suggestions you will come across in response to this question will sound simple enough … putting them into practice takes time, patience, and kindness with oneself.
Shi Hyung Park on November 12, 2008, 10:50 PM
well it would depend on your personality. For example if you are interested in writing I suggest a journal and etc etc etc
Krista Bradley on December 21, 2008, 2:15 PM
There are many things you can do to overcome social anxiety but ultimately it’s a matter of putting your mind to overcoming your fears. Of course if your problem is mild you don’t needs meds but if you are unable to live your life normally because of your anxiety, medication may be a good idea.
Start with “Act as if”, which basically means, act as if you are confident and it will make you feel more confident. Walk into a room with good posture, with your head up, looking people in the eye. If it is difficult to look people in the eye look at the place between their eyes. Believe it or not, they won’t be able to tell the difference. Smile as much as possible, even if you don’t feel it at first. If you smile anyway you will be smiling for real before you know it.
Second, examine your views and thoughts about other people. Do you see yourself as inferior to some and superior to others? Try to realize that all people are equal. That includes you! Everyone is a complex and unique combination of weaknesses and strengths. Know these things in yourself and look for them in others. Also, it is true that everyone mostly thinks about themselves and are somewhat self-conscious in social situations. They aren’t noticing the things about you that you think are so noticeable.
In your mind you are probably envisioning worst case scenarios and this is why you are feeling anxious. Go ahead and examine these wort case events and logically estimate whether they are likely to actually happen. Probably they are extremely unlikely or if they happened it wouldn’t be as bad as you think. Now envision best case scenarios and have those in mind when you enter social situations.
Remember that it is OK to be shy! Some people find it attractive and you may find that it motivates people to try to get you to talk to them. They aren’t finding out who you are when you aren’t talking so they get curious and approach you saying things like “Don’t talk so much!” or “Give somebody a word in edge wise!”. You may find this annoying because so many people say it to you but see it as an opportunity to take a baby step and face your fears. These people are making an effort to get to know you. Have a prepared response to these comments such as “I know, but I have so much to say!” or “Yep, that’s what everyone tells me.” Ask the person what they do for a living, how their day went, etc.
Finally, realize that it won’t happen over night. It may take months or years. Take baby steps and you will probably be surprised how quickly you learn that socializing isn’t really so hard.
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