Bloggers, as most know, are exceptionally lazy people. Mostly, we sit around in our underwear playing flash games. Only occasionally do we get off the sofa to whip off some poorly thought-out screed in a cheeto-fueled rage. Naturally we like to save ourselves the trouble of actually working by simply copying what people on Twitter have to say. It’s called “fair use.” Because buried among seemingly endless tweets about bacon, unicorns, and bodily functions, there is some valuable social commentary. For the holidays I’ve selected some of the cleverest tweets, mostly taken from favstar.fm and the book Twitter Wit. Parts one and two are here and here. In our final installment, we take on the politicians.
@Moltz: C’mon. You know the only reason Obama won the Peace Prize is because the Nobel committee doesn’t have an award for “Most Improved Nation.”
@pourmecoffee: If Obama can successfully indoctrinate kids in a 20 minute speech, he is wasting his time with this President bullshit.
@bonisteel: OK, children, now show me on this doll where the president bored you.
@theTCAT: I’m not a racist. I don’t hate Obama because of his race; I hate him because the beneficiaries of his policies aren’t white.
@gruber: I’m so old, I remember when if you didn’t support the president, you were a traitor.
@theTCAT: The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he was born in Hawaii.
@imaginaryreview: Hey birthers! You know how you haven’t seen Obama’s HI birth certificate so you don’t believe it exists? That’s how I feel about your god!
@kolchak: Today is allegedly FOX news’ thirteenth birthday. I’ve yet to see the certificate.
@stephenathome: Sarah Palin didn’t finish a 5K race in Kennewick, Ashington. Amazing—is there anything she can’t quit?
@bonisteel: When Sarah Palin says, “This book wrote itself,” I believe she believes that.
@jdickerson: Sarah Palin is following me on Twitter but it’s from a helicopter and she has a rifle.
@pourmecoffee: Sarah Palin, of all people, should know by now the withdrawal method doesn’t work.
@pourmecoffee: All I’m saying is if you’re locked in struggle with your nemesis Levi Johnston, maybe you aren’t ready to lead the nation.
@pourmecoffee: Cheney makes better sense if you add “Clarice” to the end of his sentences. “Torture worked, Clarice.”
@badbanana: There’s a movement to get Dick Cheney to run for president? Ridiculous. He can eat far more puppies as a private citizen.
@hodgman: Cheney in wheelchair. But where is his fluffy white cat?
@heathr: What if we find out that Cheney is actually Obama’s father?
@thejohnblog: Whatever. If McCain was President he would be on top of his desk right now scared and mystified by the Oval Office’s ROOMBA.
@chidorio: Joe Biden: the thinking man’s Dan Quayle.
@stephenathome: It’s only the sixth night of Hanukkah and Joe Lieberman has already returned the gift of expanded Medicare.
@ccsteff: I’m just gonna go ahead and assume that any family values candidate is humping something he shouldn’t be.
@badbanana: Let he who hasn’t blown off his governor duties to get a little Argentinian tail on Father’s Day cast the first stone.
@Zaius13: Sen. Al Franken has crafted legislation with Rep. Marion Berry. Committee chair Kent Chocula has threatened to table the Franken-Berry bill.
Have a great War on Christmas everybody!