My faith, and my solace.

This site makes me want to scream.  So many people talking, I wonder who can possibly take the time to listen.  How wonderful it is to evoke the passions of those who would kill you for your words, and enjoy the safety of only having to listen to their rage.  It reminds me though of how important it is to have faith, even for no reason, and how someone like me who has spent a lifetime doubting religion and God for no other reason than to root out truth can still find just enough to keep my sanity.

I could debate what is "good" and "bad" here all day and likely get nowhere, but please indulge me for what it's worth.  I believe that however the world works, God or not, it is a world of balance.  Science and mathematics rely on it, and even religion cannot escape creating a sense of it: good and evil.  But I think it's more encompassing than people realize.  All action has reaction, as they say. 

I believe the cause of evil, is actually good, and visa versa.  Think about it like a slingshot pulled taught between its ends.  Try to create good by pulling one way, and you'll create an equal amount of potential for bad.  Lose control, and the band is pulled back toward balance, necessitating an opposite or "bad" force.  So the only way to create a permanent good, or permanent evil, is total control, perhaps comparable to loss of freedom if you were to continue the analogy.  Don't believe me?  Try and not see it, it's fascinating.  It easily explains why history repeats itself.  When we try and use religion or system to "purify" the world, we necessitate an evil to do - necessary evil, sounds familiar.  Evil itself can only go so far, before it starts bringing out the best in people, makes heroes of ordinary men, and returns to balance again.

So the dilemma always ends up posing the question, is there no good and evil, just labels we put on opposing forces?  Good guys write the history books don't they?  Doesn't anyone living after conflict have to believe "they" are the good side?

By now you must probably think my line of thinking immoral, my values corrupt, and my faith depraved; quite the contrary.  I like to think there's one type act that defys my reasoning: selflessness, or sacrifice.  An action that returns no benefit, and no mutual gain.  And no, I'm not talking about suicide bombing, I'm talking about giving of yourself so others can live.  Even though I may not believe fully that Jesus was the son of God, it's still an interesting story, and explains why martyrs can really drive people's faith.  In short, true good is committed not by those who gain from it, like televangelists or your typical devout, but by those who commit it for others: parents, veterans, and everyday heroes who sacrifice of themselves and never sell their stories for gain.

I know it's all a little convoluted just looking at it, but anyone who doesn't plan on losing themselves needs at least just that, to believe that some amount of good is possible.  Humanity is in every way animal, violent, wretched, hypocritical, and ignorant, and idiotic - through and through without end.  The more I realize this the more angry and sad it makes me, as I'm sure it does for everybody.  Even an atheist needs to believe they have a salvation, or otherwise set upon a path to release their anger and sadness in a vain attempt to destroy the cause.

I only bring this up because I feel there's a lot of other people around here that are looking for something other than religion to give them an answer to their personal struggles.  Maybe I'm just crazy...good luck to you all.  I have not the strength for argument.  I've said my peace, and will return to world of the sane to live in peace.

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