Soccer's peculiar resemblances to socialism is why America has yet to really succeed at the sport, says The Guardian's American-in-Residence, Michael Tomansky. Tomansky references an article written by former Bush speech writer Marc Thiessen which says, "Soccer is the only sport in the world where you cannot use the one tool that distinguishes man from beast: opposable thumbs. 'No hands' is a rule only a European statist could love. Soccer is also the only sport in the world that has 'hooligans'—proletarian mobs that trash private property whenever their team loses."