Calm and Confidence Will Slay the Toxic People in Your Life
Two things to remember when communicating your gripes to an overly critical person: First, you're not going to change them, so don't try. Second, being silent sends the wrong message.
According to psychologist Margarita Tartakovsky, the best way to overcome the toxic influence of overly critical people is to disassociate with them. Of course, this isn't always a possibility; these folks tend to be in positions we can't simply avoid. They're our bosses, parents, co-workers, family, etc.
Tartakovsky (with help from family therapist Ashley Thorn) outlines several strategies for dealing with these people on an everyday basis. Let's look at those strategies and determine how they can be implemented.
There are two things to remember when communicating your gripes to an overly critical observer. First, you're not going to change them, so don't try. Second, being silent sends a tacit message that their criticisms are working, thus encouraging them to criticize you more. That's definitely not where you want to go.
Forgiveness is good for you.
Instead, you have to find the happy medium in which firmness is wrapped in kindness: "Thorn likened it to dealing with young kids: To set a limit with a 3-year-old, you don’t yell or belittle them. Instead, you’re clear and direct, and you can always end with mentioning what they mean to you."
That's a fun image, isn't it? Talking to your nosy co-worker like they're wearing Thomas the Tank Engine pajamas. Thorn says to allow your behavior and body language to reflect this new firm approach in which you effectively train your critic to be more cognizant of what is acceptable. All throughout, it's vital to maintain your own sense of self-worth — remember that you're worth sticking up for. And then keep sticking up for yourself.
Read more at Psych Central.
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