Rives at TED

I have been religiously watching the TEDTalks series, a group of videos produced by TED. Overall I’ve been mostly impressed with the speakers, very cool stuff.

Here’s an EXCELLENT spoken word piece by LA-based poet Rives. It’s one of the light hearted videos, more about the art then the content, but one line jumped out at me as being a one-liner definition of Web 2.0 – “We can interfere with the Interface.” Right up there with “The Machine is Us/ing Us.”


I love the new success of video in web 2.0, and will post more on that in the next post. It’s revolutionary stuff. I couldn’t find the transcribed lyrics so I transcribed and posted them after the jump. Click through if you want to follow along.

If I controlled the Internet

You could auction your broken heart on eBay

Take the money, go to Amazon

Buy a phonebook for a country you’ve never been too

Call folks at random till you find somebody that flirts really well in a foreign language.

If I were in charge of the Internet you could mapquest your lover’s mood swings

Hang left at cranky, right at preoccupied, u-turn on silent treatment

all the way back to Tongue Kissing and Good Loving.

You could navigate and understand every emotional intersection.

Some days I’m as shallow as a baking pan

but i still stretch miles in all directions

If I Owned The Internet


Monster and

Friendster dot com

would be one big website.

That way you could listen to cool music while you pretend to look for a job and you’re really just chatting with your pals! heck,

If I ran the web — you could email dead people.

They would not email you back.

but you’d get an automated reply.

their name in your inbox, that’s all you wanted anyway

and a message saying, hey it’s me…

I MISS YOU. Listen you’ll see being dead is, dandy

now you go back to raising kids and waging peace and craving, candy.

If I designed the internet, Childhood.com would be a loop. of a boy. in an orchard.

With a ski-pole for a sword, trashcan lid for a shield shouting




now follow me ok?

Grandma dot com would be a recipe for biscuits and spit bath instructions (1, 2, 3)

that links with…

Hot Diggity Dog dot com that is my grandfather

they take you to

Gruff ex-cop on his forth marriage dot dad

he forms an attachment to

Kinda ditzy but still sends gingersnaps for christmas dot mom

who downloads

The Boy In The Orchard

The Emperor of Oranges

who grows up to be


the guy who usually goes too far

so if I were Emperor of the Internet, I guess I’d still be mortal huh?

But at that point, I would probably already have the lowest possible mortgage

and the most enlarged possible penis

so, I would Outlaw spam on my first day in office,

I wouldn’t need it!

I’d be like some kind of Internet Genius.

and me? I’d like to upgrade, to deity and maybe just like that.

I’d go wireless.

ehhh? Maybe GOOGLE would hire this

i could zip through your servers and firewalls like a virus

until the world wide web is as wise as wild and as organized

as I think a modern day miracle slash oracle can get, but

ohhhew weeeeee, you wanna bet

just how wack and un-PC your Mac or PC’s gonna be when I’m rocking hot shit hot shot GOD dot net

I guess it’s just like life. It is not a question of IF you can, it’s do ya…

We can interfere with the Interface

We can make you’ve got hallelujah the national anthem of cyberspace.

Every lucky time we log on.

You don’t say a prayer,

You don’t write a psalm,

You don’t chant an ommmmmmm

You send one blessed email


Whoever you’re thinking of


daddle a da da daa daa didaddle-la-daddle-la-daddle-la-da daddle da

dot com.

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