There's a New Programming Language Based on Donald Trump And It's Hilarious

Two Rice University students have created "TrumpScript," a programming language Donald Trump would approve of.

A few weeks ago, I argued that learning a programming language makes people better thinkers. It develops in us a way of breaking down problems into smaller, more manageable tasks, thereby giving us more confidence in dealing with seemingly overwhelming challenges. That’s all well and good. But, how does it “make America great again”? To be sure, it doesn’t. Until now. This week, some bright, enterprising developers from Rice University released a new scripting language, dubbed TrumpScript, that is the programming language “[Donald] Trump would approve of.”


According to the developers:

“TrumpScript is language based upon the illustrious Donald Trump. As the undeniably best presidential candidate in the 2016 language, we found that the current field of programming languages does not include any that Trump's glorious golden comb-over would approve of.

TrumpScript is our solution to this. It's the programming language Trump would approve of. Just like he is making America great again, we hope our efforts will make programming great again.”

Based on Python, TrumpScript has some unique features. The Verge reports that if you use a word that’s been banned from usage in the language, you’ll get the error, “Trump doesn’t want to hear it,” or if you use a word that’s not common English, “We have a country where to assimilate you have to speak English."

Other features of TrumpScript:

+ No floating point numbers, only integers. America never does anything halfway.
+ All numbers must be strictly greater than 1 million. The small stuff is inconsequential to us.
+ There are no import statements allowed. All code has to be homegrown and American made.
+ Instead of "True" and "False," we have "fact" and "lie."
+ Only the most popular English words, Trump's favorite words, and current politician names can be used as variable names.
+ Error messages are mostly quotes directly taken from Trump himself.
+ All programs must end with "America is great."
+ Our language will automatically correct Forbes' $4.5B to $10B.
+ In its raw form, TrumpScript is not compatible with Windows, because Trump isn't the type of guy to believe in PC.
+ The language is completely case-insensitive.
+ If the running computer is from China or Mexico, TrumpScript will not compile. We don't want them stealing our American technological secrets.
+ Warns you if you have any Communists masquerading as legitimate "SSL Certificates" from China on your system.
+ Won't run in root mode because America doesn't need your help being great. Trump is all we need.

In an Inverse interview, Sam Shadwell and Chris Brown, the two junior Rice University computer science students who created TrumpScript, report designing the language to “act like Donald Trump.”

“That morning I had watched that weird, that strange video that’s like “The Trump Song,” or something? It made me uncomfortable,” Shadwell said.  “And I was like, ‘Man, that’s really weird. Boy, I would love to just satirize this guy.’”

If you find yourself wanting to learn how to code, and you’re a fan of Trump, this might be your chance to program the application of your dreams. But get prepared for things not to work. Brown and Shadwell are improving TrumpScript to more accurately represent its namesake.

“In what I would consider proper TrumpScript style: 80 percent of the words you write should probably get dropped by the compiler and be completely unnecessary to the program,” Brown said.

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