The list of "metas" meant to counter the putative "physicals" below is a crock. I hesitated to enclose the term with quotes for fear of flushing down that same intellectual toilet this site elevates to--aw, hell--the asshole responsible for this was on Colbert last night for god's sake. Legitimacy beyond question. Of course, the writer's strike can be held responsible for Stephen's grace and pukey indulgence.

But to the point. Every single heading below is cultural turd going unquestioned as legitimate rubric for discussion. Not the possibility that this list was compiled by a junior high school methhead, but by the evidently sincere belief (although, please god, someone rank me out and reveal this for the tasteless joke it could only aspire to) these "topics" merit thought and commentary.

My name is Matt Guillen, I live in France, originally from New York, and yes, I'm so very happy to have left all this shit behind.