from the world's big
Your Handy Internet Comment Database [UPDATED 2.0]
We’ve all been there. The Internet comment section stares at us, blinking its sexy open space, inviting us to put words all over it, to tell the world why the silly author of the article is oh so wrong.
Too many tabs with too many problematic articles: The world needs to know why this particular individual is wrong and we know that we could serve this public good with our misspelled words, exclamation marks and CONSTANT CAPITAL LETTERS. There are too many gay, liberal baby-eating aetheists/atheests/whatever out there and they need to learn that Obamacare won’t protect them forever (that’s what it does right? Protect liberal gaytheists?).
To that end, this list can be referred to instead of writing out an entire comment: We won’t stop the scourge of the gay agenda – or is it the socialist? – by wading into one comment section at a time! Sure, we could send emails or write proper arguments or read people charitably – but what effort! Instead, let anger and righteousness reign!
These 4.1 comments are all you need. Simply copy and paste the bold, insert the agenda you’re rightfully attacking and use at your convenience.
Internet Comment #1. “YAWN!” / “HASN’T THIS BEEN DONE BEFORE?” / “WHY IS THIS NEWS”
Explanation: Why assume others do not know or haven't read the same things as you? That’s ridiculous: of course everyone’s done the necessary reading, had the same amount of exposure to these ideas and articles.
We’ve reached our conclusions, we know what’s right and wrong: either this article is a rehashing of an obviously wrong article or an obviously right one. "Grey areas"? Another feminist liberal buzzword!
Either way, it’s useless to us, therefore it’s useless to everyone – because, as we know, everyone is at the same level of education and at the same level of education on this topic. Otherwise, it’s just boring: no one could possibly find this content – about science or space or politics or economics – possibly interesting therefore yawn, yawn, yawn.
The idea that the world is complicated, that reading updated thoughts, better counter arguments, is good is just madness. It’s simple. We know what the answers are. The New York Times is better off asking us to just put down all our thoughts so that no opinion or news articles ever needs to get written again.
Internet Comment #2 - “WHY ARE YOU SPEAKING ABOUT X AND NOT ABOUT Y (i.e. the thing I care about more)”
Explanation: Sure the “writer” could be focusing on this particular point about this particular subject because that’s where her knowledge and interest lies, but don’t let her interests control you!
You must show her that, as a reader person – who’s actually never read her and won’t ever do so again, assuming you went past the title – your interest is actually different and she should use her platform and time to cater to that. Oh, so she’s talking about how women are oppressed? Well why didn’t she talk about how men are oppressed! Oh, she’s talking about how guns are dangerous, well what about all that disease caused by bad living conditions!
Don’t let her expertise or research rule you: It’s called freedom. Show her how it works.
Yes, the topic itself might require her honing in on this area and there might exist other writers actually writing on what you like, but don’t let that stop you. Everyone should be doing what they can to cater to us – otherwise what’s the point of their job? It’s not like other readers have different interests and different levels of knowledge, as we established in Internet Comment #1.
Internet Comment #3: “WHY ARE YOU WRITING ABOUT X WHEN THERE ARE BIGGER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT?”
Explanation: As the world’s leading researchers into curing cancer, Aids, poverty and totalitarian oppression, we obviously get tired of reading about silly women whining about their “oppression”, about the gays who want more rights than us normal, proper folk, and manchildren getting upset over other imaginary manchildren (video games and films).
There are more important things to worry about than whether women get attacked or have a few mean words thrown at them online (they probably deserve it: If they didn’t deserve it, they wouldn’t be getting abuse. That’s called logic, feminazis!)
Seriously: there are bigger things to worry about and all articles everywhere must simply focus on those things we’ve earmarked “bigger things”. The idea that we can read many things at the same time or subsequently is just liberal agenda writ large! Don’t tell me that someone who writes criticism of tv-shows can’t do complicated economics problems: both involve writing!
Internet Comment #4: “WHY SHOULD I READ SOMEONE WHO OVERUSES EXCLAMATION MARKS / MISPELLS A WORD / WRITES A WORD IN BRITISH ENGLISH, NOT AMERICAN ENGLISH?”
Explanation: If they’re not bothering with communicashin why should you? When we post comments, we make sure every word is perfec and the grammar are write. Yes, they’re human and their going to mak a mistake, but you don’t ever do so in front of us! That’s just embarrassing. So we don’t have to engage with the argument: We can simply point out that one or two words are wrong and leave. We’ve surely bested someone by doing so.
And what’s this made-up language called UK English? “Centre”? “Colour”? Next they’ll probably spell dogs as cats!
Internet Comment #4.1 “TYPICAL LIBERAL/SOCIALIST/FEMINIST/ETC. NONSENSE” / “I WOULD EXPECT THIS FROM AN X”
Explanation: There’s no need to actually read. As we noted with Internet #1, we know the arguments. We’re commenting to emphasise how wrong this person is. Why do we need to provide reasons? Everyone knows the feminists are just whining, the gays are trying to take our children and rule by Obamacare so they can take Syria back, and so forth.
Some snarky liberaltard might say: It clearly can’t be “everyone” because then feminism/gay rights activism wouldn’t exist. To that we simply say <Insert Comment #1>.
UPDATE NOTE: this list was never actually updated. The title is a liberal lie!
Image Credit: Artfamily / Shutterstock
Emotional intelligence is a skill sought by many employers. Here's how to raise yours.
- Daniel Goleman's 1995 book Emotional Intelligence catapulted the term into widespread use in the business world.
- One study found that EQ (emotional intelligence) is the top predictor of performance and accounts for 58% of success across all job types.
- EQ has been found to increase annual pay by around $29,000 and be present in 90% of top performers.
Evolution doesn't clean up after itself very well.
- An evolutionary biologist got people swapping ideas about our lingering vestigia.
- Basically, this is the stuff that served some evolutionary purpose at some point, but now is kind of, well, extra.
- Here are the six traits that inaugurated the fun.
The plica semilunaris<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTA5NjgwMS9vcmlnaW4ucG5nIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxMTgyMzg1NX0.ZY8qmhtoZfbRMAqrNnmbgyk7GLabglx_9lBq3PKcy7g/img.png?width=980" id="99882" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="68e8758894b0359c6ef61b2c158832b2" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
The human eye in alarming detail. Image source: Henry Gray / Wikimedia commons<p>At the inner corner of our eyes, closest to the nasal ridge, is that little pink thing, which is probably what most of us call it, called the caruncula. Next to it is the plica semilunairs, and it's what's left of a third eyelid that used to — ready for this? — blink horizontally. It's supposed to have offered protection for our eyes, and some birds, reptiles, and fish have such a thing.</p>
Palmaris longus<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTA5NjgwNy9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzMzQ1NjUwMn0.dVor41tO_NeLkGY9Tx46SwqhSVaA8HZQmQAp532xLxA/img.jpg?width=980" id="879be" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="970e9c15f3c3d846dde05e2b2c6ebf12" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
Palmaris longus muscle. Image source: Wikimedia commons<p> We don't have much need these days, at least most of us, to navigate from tree branch to tree branch. Still, about 86 percent of us still have the wrist muscle that used to help us do it. To see if you have it, place the back of you hand on a flat surface and touch your thumb to your pinkie. If you have a muscle that becomes visible in your wrist, that's the palmaris longus. If you don't, consider yourself more evolved (just joking).</p>
Darwin's tubercle<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTA5NjgxMi9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTY0ODUyNjA1MX0.8RuU-OSRf92wQpaPPJtvFreOVvicEwn39_jnbegiUOk/img.jpg?width=980" id="687a0" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="b38a957408940673ccc744f0f6828d18" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
Darwin's tubercle. Image source: Wikimedia commons<p> Yes, maybe the shell of you ear does feel like a dried apricot. Maybe not. But there's a ridge in that swirly structure that's a muscle which allowed us, at one point, to move our ears in the direction of interesting sounds. These days, we just turn our heads, but there it is.</p>
Goosebumps<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTA5NzMxNC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYyNzEyNTc2Nn0.aVMa5fsKgiabW5vkr7BOvm2pmNKbLJF_50bwvd4aRo4/img.jpg?width=980" id="d8420" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="f735418322b34382dcd882299c9ccc48" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
Goosebumps. Photo credit: Tyler Olson via Shutterstock<p>It's not entirely clear what purpose made goosebumps worth retaining evolutionarily, but there are two circumstances in which they appear: fear and cold. For fear, they may have been a way of making body hair stand up so we'd appear larger to predators, much the way a cat's tail puffs up — numerous creatures exaggerate their size when threatened. In the cold, they may have trapped additional heat for warmth.</p>
Tailbone<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTA5NzMxNi9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYxMDMzMDc3N30.p9BEtkf3-PV3EtDSQMUGUeopsimiCHUagx97P4f8IBw/img.jpg?width=980" id="e8ab8" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="0063ce99bdd22fbebe1279244b87935c" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
Coccyx. Image source: decade3d-anatomy online via Shutterstock<p>Way back, we had tails that probably helped us balance upright, and was useful moving through trees. We still have the stump of one when we're embryos, from 4–6 weeks, and then the body mostly dissolves it during Weeks 6–8. What's left is the coccyx.</p>
The palmar grasp reflex<img type="lazy-image" data-runner-src="https://assets.rebelmouse.io/eyJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiIsInR5cCI6IkpXVCJ9.eyJpbWFnZSI6Imh0dHBzOi8vYXNzZXRzLnJibC5tcy8xOTA5NzMyMC9vcmlnaW4uanBnIiwiZXhwaXJlc19hdCI6MTYzNjY0MDY5NX0.OSwReKLmNZkbAS12-AvRaxgCM7zyukjQUaG4vmhxTtM/img.jpg?width=980" id="8804c" class="rm-shortcode" data-rm-shortcode-id="45469ca5ee5f43433a782f7d4ac0a440" data-rm-shortcode-name="rebelmouse-image" />
Palmar reflex activated! Photo credit: Raul Luna on Flickr<p> You've probably seen how non-human primate babies grab onto their parents' hands to be carried around. We used to do this, too. So still, if you touch your finger to a baby's palm, or if you touch the sole of their foot, the palmar grasp reflex will cause the hand or foot to try and close around your finger.</p>
Other people's suggestions<p>Amir's followers dove right in, offering both cool and questionable additions to her list. </p>
Fangs?<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-conversation="none" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Lower mouth plate behind your teeth. Some have protruding bone under the skin which is a throw back to large fangs. Almost like an upsidedown Sabre Tooth.</p>— neil crud (@neilcrud66) <a href="https://twitter.com/neilcrud66/status/1085606005000601600?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">January 16, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>
Hiccups<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-conversation="none" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Sure: <a href="https://t.co/DjMZB1XidG">https://t.co/DjMZB1XidG</a></p>— Stephen Roughley (@SteBobRoughley) <a href="https://twitter.com/SteBobRoughley/status/1085529239556968448?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">January 16, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>
Hypnic jerk as you fall asleep<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-conversation="none" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">What about when you “jump” just as you’re drifting off to sleep, I heard that was a reflex to prevent falling from heights.</p>— Bann face (@thebanns) <a href="https://twitter.com/thebanns/status/1085554171879788545?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">January 16, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script> <p> This thing, often called the "alpha jerk" as you drop into alpha sleep, is properly called the hypnic jerk,. It may actually be a carryover from our arboreal days. The <a href="https://www.livescience.com/39225-why-people-twitch-falling-asleep.html" target="_blank" data-vivaldi-spatnav-clickable="1">hypothesis</a> is that you suddenly jerk awake to avoid falling out of your tree.</p>
Nails screeching on a blackboard response?<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-conversation="none" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Everyone hate the sound of fingernails on a blackboard. It's _speculated_ that this is a vestigial wiring in our head, because the sound is similar to the shrill warning call of a chimp. <a href="https://t.co/ReyZBy6XNN">https://t.co/ReyZBy6XNN</a></p>— Pet Rock (@eclogiter) <a href="https://twitter.com/eclogiter/status/1085587006258888706?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">January 16, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>
Ear hair<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-conversation="none" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Ok what is Hair in the ears for? I think cuz as we get older it filters out the BS.</p>— Sarah21 (@mimix3) <a href="https://twitter.com/mimix3/status/1085684393593561088?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">January 16, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>
Nervous laughter<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">You may be onto something. Tooth-bearing with the jaw clenched is generally recognized as a signal of submission or non-threatening in primates. Involuntary smiling or laughing in tense situations might have signaled that you weren’t a threat.</p>— Jager Tusk (@JagerTusk) <a href="https://twitter.com/JagerTusk/status/1085316201104912384?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">January 15, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>
Um, yipes.<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-conversation="none" data-lang="en"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Sometimes it feels like my big toe should be on the side of my foot, was that ever a thing?</p>— B033? K@($ (@whimbrel17) <a href="https://twitter.com/whimbrel17/status/1085559016011563009?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">January 16, 2019</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>
Are there innate differences between female and male brains?
People have searched for sex differences in human brains since at least the 19th century, when scientist Samuel George Morton poured seeds and lead shot into human skulls to measure their volumes.
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