Big Think

Michael Agostino on March 19, 2009, 4:29 PM

So, I go to the post office today to get the correct postage on my tax return because no way I’m salivating over an extra stamp on any letter to save time or to give one stinking cent extra to ‘The Man.’

At my post office, the ‘new, improved’ post office building, a new post office building funded by taxpayer money — despite the fact that the old post office was working just fine — they have a set of double doors at the entrance of the building.

Eight doors across. You go in one of them and there is an alcove or a lobby. Then you walk two steps and enter the post office lobby through another set of doors, eight across. Maybe the alcove is there because people want to stamp their feet in the winter or to cut down on the wind hitting the collective faces of the G15 employees working there with pensions and life insurance and a union just trying to spend its money right. Whatever. The architect gets a gold star on his resume.

So, I walk up to the building, but a guy beats me there. He goes in first and holds the door for me. As a good citizen I say, “Thank you.” Two more steps and the guy holds open another door, a second door, the real door, one of a second set of double doors, eight across, allowing access to the post office proper. And I don’t say a word.

That’s where I draw the line. That’s where my neighbor doesn’t get a second thank you. What am I? A freaking thank-you machine? Find another sucker. I’m a first-door, play-along kind of guy, but when you ask me to actually donate to charity, I need specifics. It’s all about me, Hotshot. I’ll slam that second double door and pick off the glass in my bloody, shard-pricked, tear-stained hands before I pledge allegiance to the company line.

sean murro on July 31, 2009, 5:14 PM

Im a massive fan of Ricky and Stephen and hugely excited that Rickey is making a movie…Cant wait for it….