There is no epidemic of childhood mental illness. The UK government’s new strategy for mental health is a patronising waste of money based on dodgy statistics. The real tragedy is that the government’s strategy is unlikely to do anything to help those children who do need professional intervention. It is more concerned with the micro-management of behaviour, extolling both platitudes and condescension towards us all. If there is a problem with childhood behaviour today, its roots lie more in a crisis of adult authority rather than children’s pathology. The irony is that the more the government treats us like children, the more our ability to socialize and mold the next generation is further eroded.