John Tierney looks at research indicating that male chimpanzees use "tools" (crackling leaves) to show females that they are ready for sex. He suggests that this is the chimp equivalent of "trying to attract women by driving around with a car thumping out 120-decibel music. But until researchers are able to find a woman who admits to being anything other than annoyed by guys in boom cars, these human tools must be considered evolutionary dead ends."