In slang, the “cheating band” used to mean that conspicuous band of paler skin revealed when a would-be cheater took off their wedding band to fool and seduce a new lover, or to have less guilt-ridden sex with them.
Now, Cheeky.com has come out with an official Anti-Cheating Ring. On the outside it looks like any other platinum wedding band. But when you take it off, it leaves a self-incriminating message, “I’M MARRIED,” imprinted into your ring finger.
The ring is like those ink packets that spray on you and brand you indelibly as a shoplifter when you try to remove them, or the ankle “lo-jack” that parolees must wear, to make sure they don’t wander off too far.
What a sign of the times. Some in Twitter land reacted mostly negatively to the ring, and with a bit more earnestness than it seems to merit. They pointed out that the imprint would rub off soon enough, and with a little advanced planning, the cheater would be fine. Others worried that a couple who’d buy this ring should really reconsider getting married at all.
But the Anti-Cheating ring is actually an ingenious cross between Hester Prynne’s Scarlet A and Sky Mall.
If you didn’t scroll through Cheeky.com’s entire catalog, you might miss the genius, or perversion, of this invention. It places the hallowed wedding ring right there, post-romantically and with proud irreverence, as one of a hilarious assortment of gag gifts. They include “Rocking Chair Cushions” featuring AC/DC and “HickeyTats” that say, “He’s Mine.” They sell “Eat Fit” forks that are small dumbbells, “for people who are actively looking to lose weight but not prepared to stop eating.”
My very favorite, though, is cheeky.com’s collection of “Confidence” shirts that you can wear under your regular work clothes. These are another kind of subversive messaging. They declare in faint but legible print all the insults and candid opinions that you wish you could say to your colleagues’ faces, things such as,“HOW DO YOU ALL HAVE JOBS?”, “I’M GAY! I’M GAY! I’M GAY!”, and “MANAGEMENT SUCKS COCK.” You can insult your colleagues all day, and they won’t even know it.
The Anti-Cheating Ring cavorts with a hot water bottle shaped like a puddle of pee, a “Self-Deprecating Golf Ball” that says, “I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s me,” and, for that first date, a set of “Get Drunk Faster” glasses that are designed to spill easily, and facilitate faster intoxication. The wedding ring as gag gift: A sure sign of these post-romantic times.