Nancy Grace and her HLN producers, desperate for new material now that a jury has returned a not guilty verdict in the murder trial of Casey Anthony, are exploring a variety of options to keep the show fresh and exciting. One of these options is sure to raise eyebrows - committing a murder of their own.
"It's on the table," said an associate producer who asked to remain anonymous. "We're looking at a lot of young, attractive white women with adorable children that would make appropriate victims. It's tough to find just the right mix. A crazy family is also important."
While some people may find the idea of a cable news network committing murder appalling, it's just this kind of out-of-the box thinking that has kept CNN competitive for decades. "Sure, it's a little bit out there," continued the producer, "but cases like this one don't come along everyday. Sometimes you have to be proactive.”
Grace has managed to turn the death of young Caylee Anthony into a ratings powerhouse, simultaneously boosting HLN's ratings while creating enough demonic "dark energy" to feed off of nightly in her crypt beneath CNN headquarters in Atlanta.
"Nancy is an ancient emotional vampire," said another unnamed HLN producer. "She gains strength from the suffering of others. Imagine how powerful she'll be after she sucks the lifeforce directly from her victim. The ratings will be spectacular. Of course, we can't actually show her feeding - it's pretty disgusting, with the tentacles and all - but it should keep us number one. And that's what's really important.
"Nancy is already trying to come up with a catchphrase to replace 'Tot Mom.' I think that will be the toughest thing. Right now 'Murder Mama' is a big hit with the focus groups. ‘Homicide Hussy’ is also testing well."
Other networks are expected to benefit from Grace's actions. TruTV producer Jon Swift said of the rumors: "That would be great for us. We're really just a suckerfish on Nancy's big white underbelly. But our ratings went crazy after we started covering the Anthony trial. We went from 45 viewers to over a hundred. Mostly shut-ins, but still, a big increase."
Producers are hoping to kill someone close to the HLN studios to save money on hotels and travel.
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