Apple has a long track record of introducing innovative new products, such as the iPod and the iPhone, to popular and critical acclaim. In a witty satire piece, The Onion suggests that the next step for Apple is to create the iLaunch, an innovative way of introducing innovative products:
"...Today, Apple is releasing a piece of innovative new technology that will forever change the way innovative new technology is released.
The iLaunch, as the new product is called, was then raised up from below the stage, prompting the audience of technology journalists, developers and self-professed "Apple fanatics" to burst into a five-minute standing ovation.
"Get ready for the future of product introduction," said Jobs, looking resplendent in a black turtleneck and faded jeans. "The iLaunch will be able to make announcements from this, or any other stage, making human participation in generating consumer awareness almost entirely unnecessary."
The iLaunch runs Keynote-formatted presentations in high definition through a built-in projector while displaying a 3D rotating image of the product. Voice-recognition software, Apple's most advanced to date, can recite a speech highlighting the features of the device while injecting several clever digs at competitors. Should a product demonstration experience a glitch or malfunction, the iLaunch boasts a complex algorithm that can automatically produce humorous and distracting quips.
Described in its patent filing as a "hype-generating mechanism with fully integrated Mac compatibility," the iLaunch is powered by Intel dual-core processors optimized to calculate a product's gravitas. Apple claims the iLaunch can garner the same amount of press attention as a major scientific discovery, high-court ruling, celebrity meltdown, or natural disaster at 200 times the speed of a traditional media-fostered launch."
In addition, the iLaunch automatically saves discussion of a significant product feature for the end of the presentation, to "surprise and delight audiences," along the lines of a typical Steve Jobs presentation. Any iLaunch-powered presentation, of course, must come after months of rumors and whispered speculation that the product will be "huge" and "change everything."
[image: Steve Jobs and the iLaunch]