Maybe you've heard of the author Virginia Wollfe?

She actually killed herself DURING a manic episode because she just couldn't face coming down off of one more manic to face the ordinary, boring, dreary, day to day existence that she considered her "Real Life" to be.

I once overheard some blaring headphones in the office, the song was 'manic Monday'.

Got me thinking about how much EVERYTHING really hinges on societies perception of normal and acceptable.

I was thinking that if the majority of people had bi-polar type tendencies, then we would be counselling, medicating and ostracizing the minority because of their flat personalities and their over-cautious behavior.

I just wonder how much of the self-destructive part of the 'illness' is a bi-product of shame and censure and how much is a part of the disease itself.

To some extent, I question the idea that it really is a disease

I don't mean to dismiss the difficulty of dealing with the chemical imbalance within the electrochemical organism.

At times I detest what being civilized means.

For instance, if you are excessively animated and you get the urge to take your clothes off and you're four years old, it makes everyone smile. If you took your dozen knives and made a circle out of them or tripped out on something totally fascinating, as a child, it's seen as being imaginative or even creative.

If two adults hold hands and skip down the isle ( not that I would know) in a store singing, eyebrows go up and people think there is something wrong with them.

We are naturally manic and curious and do alot of weird things as children.

As we grow up, there are all these rules, written and unwritten that we have to act a certain way.

Our manic nature is deliberately blunted and controlled.

That works for some people, but others consider it very confining and unnatural.

We are required to see the universe in a very structured way, when if we were really honest, we actually know very little about it all.

We're not supposed to have 'magic' or share our insights as adults with children , unless it is pre-approved. No longer the free speaking child , must grow on their own; if not a parent.

If adults talk about anything that isn't on the 'list', that adult is considered a bit 'loony'.

Out of 'manic' has come some of the most creative masterpieces and thoughts that man has ever had, but it's still not okay in general.

Is it really abnormal to see radiance and feel like 'I am the world and the world is me' or is that just a part of us we're required to let go of or to extinguish?

Isn't that exactly what we feel before we conform?

It is such a short step between not fitting into the required mold and being considered abnormal.

Those who manage to fit in are rewarded with acceptance and those that don't are judged and are forever supposed to struggle and do whatever is necessary to fit in.

You aren't good enough and you need to fix it, according to our society.

I think the truth is that the world is filled with alot of people who are only going through the motions to fit in.

The pressure of trying to fit in, when it's so at odds with who we are actually makes some people ill, take anti-depressants, anesthetize themselves with food, material possessions, etc. the secrets we keep

Isn't it the real truth that there are simply degrees of how we perceive ourselves and the world around us ?

We all fit in from one end of the range to the other, but only a small area in the middle has been deemed to be acceptable.

Is it much different that being too short, too fat, too homely, too ignorant, etc?

I have a couple of friends who are not in that 'acceptable range'. They used to have a much harder time and for them, it seems like their biggest enemy was shame.

As soon as they really accepted themselves, it make a world of difference in their lives.

They still have manic periods, because that is part of who they are, but they don't seem to include the things they used to do that were personally destructive and they don't have as hard of a crash at the end of it.

One of my friends told me , she no longer considers herself or her behavior to be an enemy .

Without the shame she used to feel, there isn't some kind of sub-conscious urge to punish herself.

She has an awesome sense of humor about it now and rather than repelling people because of negative based drama, people seem attracted to her energy and her humor.

Do you think that shame or a person's own negative attitude about who they are, could actually be at the root of some of the more destructive behavior?

Do you think the depression that follows such behavior, is made worse by it? Is there a relation?

If manic attacks were the majority, rather than the minority, I sometimes wonder if the real disease is how civilized and conformed we've become due to an chemical imbalance?

One way our actions directly relate to our electrochemical structure is by what we eat?

People really do hang onto their dull safety zones and are horrified at anyone who doesn't follow the rules.